i want to kiss you

sitting there in front of the lockers on a wooden two-step stair, i looked out of the window and wished i could be outside. i imagined myself sitting there on the pavement, warm with the sun's afternoon rays. i transported myself there, watching the fountain that has become quite a spectacle to the students who seemed to have never imagined that such a fountain could exist in a university. i really don't like the idea of being one of them, but that afternoon, i felt the need to be alone, to be quiet, to have something where I can fix my eyes to and just clear my mind of anything.

i wanted to go away. i felt the need to go somewhere far where i could stop hurting those that i love. i am depressed with the idea that i cannot seem to stop being stupid. there's always something that i do wrong. i try not to. but some persons are still offended--and hurt-- even if i don't intend to. sometimes i'm just too absent-minded or plain stupid.

i thought, i need to get away before people get tired of my mistakes and my apologies. i know there will come a time that even the person who loves me most would be drowned by my shortcomings and by that time, i'll have no one to blame but myself. i thought, maybe it's better to go away now when there's still love left.

maybe it's better to die.

i know i'm wrong and it's difficult to speak and defend the guilty.

musta na ang sem break?

umpisa palang ng sem break, panay na ang iyak ko. guess i'm ending it in the same way. haaayy... why is this happening to me? ayoko nang umiyak.

months ago, officially naging iyakin na 'ko. naiiyak nako sa mga alaala, sa mga kanta pati sa mga pelikula. ewan ko ba. hindi naman ako dating ganito.

wala namang masyadong nangyari sa sem break ko. siguro nagpapasalamat ako't nakatulog ako ng matagal at hindi ko kailangang pumasok sa school at peskehin ng mga schoolworks. pero wala... malungkot pa rin... may mga INC pa rin ako. at hindi ko pa rin ginagawa ang thesis ko. di ko alam kung bakit every time na sisimulan ko na siyang gawin e nawawalan ako ng gana sa isang iglap. nakatapos na 'ko ng isang nobela sa loob ng ilang araw pero hindi ko talaga matapos ang isang short story na may humigit na 10 pages. grabe talaga. ayan, napag-tripan ko tuloy simulan yung harry potter 5 na hindi ko naman matatapos.

so ngayon plano ko talagang may gawin sa buhay. kahit inaantok na nga ako. umuulan... malamig. nakakaiyak na naman....