almost imploding

This morning sucks. Actually, this week is starting out wrong. I hate this. Well, Sheri has been having a hard time. She didn't have enough sleep, she was sick and she still has a hurting wound from an allergy. But damn, those things don't give her a right to talk shit on me. She knows that I hate it when she does that. I don't like to be talked down. All my life I've been receiving verbal bulls and I've become so sensitive. I don't do that to other people and I don't think I deserve that. I told her I hate it but she just couldn't control herself. Damn it damn it damn it. And if I get mad, wouldn't I be faulted of not being strong enough to understand that she's not feeling well? I'm not asking her to be alright and happy. She can be grumpy if she wants but just don't take it on me and talk like I'm a stupid person saying nonsense.

Damn it. Why do I always have to be strong?
I know I need to be and I have enough pressure on myself. I just seem calm, composed and indifferent but I'm not. I don't want people pushing my back. I need motivation, yes, but I don't need to hear that I don't have plans nor ambitions. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to collapse. I feel that I need to do tons of things and I don't know where to start. That's why I hate thinking a lot at the same time. I like getting the general overview of what I need to do and do one step at a time.

Argh! I hate pressure. I'm not motivated now. I'm just pressured, stressed and unmotivated, thinking that I need to do a whole lot of things... that I cannot do immediately.

And if I'm sad or angry, I just get silent. Don't I have the right to at least do that? It's enough that I don't get a "Is something bothering you?" but don't give me a "What's your problem? You're being moody again." It's enough that I don't get encouragements but let me be. I hardly get a listening ear anymore. Moreso makes me think that I'd be a burden. So being silent works for me. Sleeping. I don't want to laugh right now. In fact, I want to cry. Release some stress probably.