i want to kiss you

sitting there in front of the lockers on a wooden two-step stair, i looked out of the window and wished i could be outside. i imagined myself sitting there on the pavement, warm with the sun's afternoon rays. i transported myself there, watching the fountain that has become quite a spectacle to the students who seemed to have never imagined that such a fountain could exist in a university. i really don't like the idea of being one of them, but that afternoon, i felt the need to be alone, to be quiet, to have something where I can fix my eyes to and just clear my mind of anything.

i wanted to go away. i felt the need to go somewhere far where i could stop hurting those that i love. i am depressed with the idea that i cannot seem to stop being stupid. there's always something that i do wrong. i try not to. but some persons are still offended--and hurt-- even if i don't intend to. sometimes i'm just too absent-minded or plain stupid.

i thought, i need to get away before people get tired of my mistakes and my apologies. i know there will come a time that even the person who loves me most would be drowned by my shortcomings and by that time, i'll have no one to blame but myself. i thought, maybe it's better to go away now when there's still love left.

maybe it's better to die.

i know i'm wrong and it's difficult to speak and defend the guilty.