summer fireflies

mornings are supopsed to be about sunshine

2010-01-13T10:34:00.002+08:00

ironic that every morning is about endless nights and un-sheltered winters. cold, draining... every morning is about frustrations, loneliness and desires to run to long distances where nothing nothing nothing

i'm doing this again

2010-01-08T09:50:00.002+08:00

I'm doing this again because I feel the need to let it out. My chest is hurting and I am burdened.

A friend of mine, died. I wasn't very close to her and I only knew her through some late night hang-out. Pig-outs and chats. She was so fun to be with I could just listen to her talk all day -- I mean listen to her and Sheri talk all night. haha!

She is my first friend to die. I had grandparents and an uncle who died but didn't matter much because I wasn't really close to them. But she... I saw her glow and I walked with her and laughed with her. I shared sentiments with her and shared how we had all been achievers in school.

Laven, how were you able to bear the sufferings in COCC, the torture, the trainings, the pressure... and then give up on life? Pardon me, I know that's a stupid question.

I understand the intense pressure on yourself, despite everything. I wish there was something that could have opened your eyes a little more on how much you are loved. How you could have opened just a little, so we could take your bearings. So we could share and bring them with you. All those who love you, never a second thought for you, Laven.

It's so hard to think about you and I wish I could stop the image of you from coming to me over and over again.

I don't want to think of how I would be able to take the deaths of others.

Looking back at this blog, I saw one of my entries and became afraid. I was too depressed I also wanted to die.

Is to die a sign of courage or weakness?

Laven, I wanted to shake you and slap you. I'm almost afraid to think, to imagine that you regret what you did when you finally got the chance to think about it.

You were and still very much loved. We'll miss you...

almost imploding

2008-05-21T07:26:00.002+08:00

This morning sucks. Actually, this week is starting out wrong. I hate this. Well, Sheri has been having a hard time. She didn't have enough sleep, she was sick and she still has a hurting wound from an allergy. But damn, those things don't give her a right to talk shit on me. She knows that I hate it when she does that. I don't like to be talked down. All my life I've been receiving verbal bulls and I've become so sensitive. I don't do that to other people and I don't think I deserve that. I told her I hate it but she just couldn't control herself. Damn it damn it damn it. And if I get mad, wouldn't I be faulted of not being strong enough to understand that she's not feeling well? I'm not asking her to be alright and happy. She can be grumpy if she wants but just don't take it on me and talk like I'm a stupid person saying nonsense.

Damn it. Why do I always have to be strong?
I know I need to be and I have enough pressure on myself. I just seem calm, composed and indifferent but I'm not. I don't want people pushing my back. I need motivation, yes, but I don't need to hear that I don't have plans nor ambitions. Fuck fuck fuck. I want to collapse. I feel that I need to do tons of things and I don't know where to start. That's why I hate thinking a lot at the same time. I like getting the general overview of what I need to do and do one step at a time.

Argh! I hate pressure. I'm not motivated now. I'm just pressured, stressed and unmotivated, thinking that I need to do a whole lot of things... that I cannot do immediately.

And if I'm sad or angry, I just get silent. Don't I have the right to at least do that? It's enough that I don't get a "Is something bothering you?" but don't give me a "What's your problem? You're being moody again." It's enough that I don't get encouragements but let me be. I hardly get a listening ear anymore. Moreso makes me think that I'd be a burden. So being silent works for me. Sleeping. I don't want to laugh right now. In fact, I want to cry. Release some stress probably.

weebee

2008-05-15T22:42:00.003+08:00

I'm back. I'm bored.

Today, I'm unusually sleepy. I hate enough rest I know but I still feel so sleepy. My head feels light and I could hear the bed calling out to me. I still want to do a lot of things like talk to my honey and do whatnots. This week has been very tiring. She's been going on OT and it makes me miss her so much. She misses me too. The weather isn't helping too since it's been cool and rainy, the bed's really a comfy place.

I want to go home now and sleep with my honey beside me.

here again

2008-02-21T21:19:00.002+08:00

Wow... it's really been a long time since I've visited or written in this God-forsaken blog. I've red some of my "recent" entries and almost forgot that I can actually write sometimes compared to nowadays. I blame it to the 'illegal websites' policy at work and I also blame it for my own laziness when I'm at home during weekends.

Sometimes, I don't wanna write my feelings and my thoughts anymore.
Sometimes, I'm scared of being wrong and hurting people.

wala

2007-05-16T22:13:00.001+08:00

walang pera!!!

joke: You got what you wanted but then you just ain't good enough: you feel like you don't deserve it at all

2007-05-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

God is the funniest man I've ever known.

humor: Whenever we get bitter, my father buys me Nai Cha. mmm... bittersweet

eto na naman ako sa blog ko. tatae na naman. malapit ko na nga tong palitan ng "tumataeako.blogspot.com" ewan ko ba.

Ayun... lam ko malaki na ang pagkukulang ko sa maraming tao sa paligid. I've ignored most of the people. I want focus. Pero wala pa rin. Kulang pa rin. Kulang na kulang.

I am sure, hindi ako sanay. Hindi ako nagsasawa. It's always a happy feeling every time. Every time, I still feel lucky. Sometimes, I feel unworthy. I look into a wonderful blessing and I always thank God. Sometimes I ask why. I always hope. It's always a wonderful feeling. It's never normal.

Maybe it's that. Maybe because I was always amused. I was always trigger happy. I was always wide-eyed. And the time that I failed to look so, everything crushed. Was that it?

I knew. But what could I do?

Peter Parker said, we always have a choice. Sometimes, I feel that I don't. Maybe Peter was being utopian. Because he HAD a choice. Did Flint/sandman have a choice? Was there time to think of choices? His daughter was dying. He had no money. Probably he didn't have any job. So he robbed. That time when he shot Peter's uncle, was there time to choose? It was an accident, dammit. He was pushed, he accidentally pulled the trigger. Could he have stopped that? Was there a choice? He did what was right when he had the choice.

What is my point? Ewan. Di ko rin alam.

When certain words are said, sometimes, I feel that I've done nothing right. Every thing crumbles in front of me.

Sometimes, we find no choice but to crumble.
Sometimes we know yet we cannot do.
Sometimes we just can't help it.
Soemtimes, I just don't know what to do anymore.
You said, maybe there's nothing that can be done.

I know I'm bad. I couldn't help it. And I have no choice but to crumble.

What do I do?
I know I'm a threat but I can't let go.

Horoscopes are jinxes.

counter (ng ego): Maybe I always do them and they are not appreciated anymore. It's usual. It's expected. It's not new anymore. Nakakasawa na. I've become so redundant. It's not true na nagsasawa ako.

counter-ego: It's my fault for just not making everything new. For doing the same things over and over. For doing what was expected.

And if I change to break monotony, "I've changed".

What do I do?

Sometimes, what do I say do not matter. So go ahead drawing your own conclusions. And I accept. And I am sorry.

God gave is grace. God gave a gift of salvation. Then we are all reminded that we are sinners and we do not deserve what is given. Thus we have to be eternally thankful. The blood on the cross makes us guilty, don't you think? I do not know about the law of heaven and hell. I do not know why there existed such agreement that Jesus had to become human and shed blood for the humans to be saved. Why can't God just blast the devil down and lock hell forever? Why is the devil allowed to snatch souls? Why is hell allowed to expand its territotry? Why can't it all be ended fast and quick so no additional souls have to suffer? I do not understand at all.

Why are we given a choice between the good and the evil? Sometimes, we do not have a choice but to do bad. Why can't we have no choice but to be good?

Maybe because sometimes, we need to see the bad to appreciate the good.
Sometimes, when we see the bad, we don't see the good.

Then maybe, I'm altogether wrong.
Maybe I do not understand at all... anything at all.

pasada lang

2007-03-05T12:46:00.000+08:00

sobrang busy. sobrang busy eh wala na akong oras para mag-blog pa kahit ang dami kong gustong i-tae sa inidorong ito. daming nangyari, maganda, masama at mga kahindik-hindik. wala lang oras mag-blog dahil nauubos sa ibang bagay.

paper ng paper.

tulad ngayon. ilang gabi na ako nagkakape. ilang araw na akong puyat pero hindi pa rin matapos ang mga ginagawa. buti pa yung iba jan, bakasyon na.

life goes on...

2007-01-07T10:34:00.000+08:00

Our trip to my grandma's was okay. We met few of our relatives there mainly my cousins. I saw my grandma and was surprised that she became thinner and already had dark circles around her eyes. They say it must be due to her kidney problem. The last time I saw her, it was Christmas of 2005 and as I remember, she was still healthy-- not too thin and still has a healthy color in her skin.

My grandmother -- we call "lola" in Filipino -- she is very kind and cooks for us whenever we visit them every Christmas. My mother told us that it seems to her that my lola is a very patient woman who doesn't even know how to get mad. I am not close with my lola, not because I didn't want to, but I guess we were just not brought up that way. We rarely see our grandparents and perhaps there was not really enough time to build a relationship, especially when there are so many people in their house during the holidays.

You see, my grandparents on my father's side have 10 kids, my father is, if I'm not mistaken, the third of them. Funny, I'm not even sure of the order of my aunts and uncles in their family. I only know of the first, the second, the third and the last. Today, our extended family on the father's side has grown large. I have 22 cousins and then I don't know how many nieces and nephews I have from those cousins. I have cousins who are old enough to have 3 kids and go abroad while I have a cousin as young as a month old. With all of these, I praise my grandmother who was able to look after her 10 kids and still care enough for her grandchildren and the kids of her grandchildren.

Last December 29, my grandmother died. They informed my mother that night and then she broke the news to us the following morning. At first, I didn't believe it. I asked my mom how she died. I found out that she wasn't feeling well and was brought to the hospital on the 27th. She was accompanied by one of my father's cousins. She told me that she and lola had been joking around about her condition and took the situation lightly. Although according to my 2 aunts who was with her before she died, my lola uttered something like, "I think I'm going to die..."

I was sad, especially when I think about her weak appearance when I saw her last Christmas. There was, as if, a nagging feeling that she is soon to die. When we went to her wake last January 1, people were sad but I can see that they have already accepted her death. Afterall, everyone must be thinking that it is better for her to die than to suffer illnesses at her old age. The past year has been difficult for her because of illnesses. I heard she was in and out of the hospital and needed blood transfusions. So I think it was for the best.

Today is her funeral. I'm sad for my dad who cannot go because he is still abroad. He also wasn't able to go to my grandfather's funeral two years ago. It must be hard for him. But I know that he has already accepted what happened.

Did I tell such a sad story? My grandmother's death was sad for a while... but I know it's for the best. People live and die for a purpose and I think that she has already done her duties in life. She died at 74.

eto na naman ako... sigh

2006-12-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

here i am again, going to the comforts of my blog space whenever i feel down. parang inidoro na ang blog na ito dahil puro ka-sh*tan nalang ang laman. tumatakbo na lang akong parang batang magsusumbong na naman sa virtual space na 'to at kayo, mahal kong mambabasa, ay mabubugnot na naman.

haaaayy....

malungkot lang ako nung sabado. pakiramdam ko wala na akong nagagawang mabuti o maganda sa buhay ko. lagi nalang akong gitna, mediocre, whatever it is called. Nasa gitna, unang nababaril. Wala na akong maipagmamalaki na kaya kong gawin sa puntong ito. Hindi sa aking pagsusulat (bullsh*t) at lalong hindi sa aking pagsasalita. Kung ganoon, saan ako lulugar? Sa sex nalang noh? Magpapakadalubhasa nalang ako dun. Yeah, right. Ang saya-saya talaga.

I am a loser.

haaaaaaayyyyyy.........

2006-12-08T19:19:00.000+08:00

wala lang. in love ako.

i want to kiss you

2006-11-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

sitting there in front of the lockers on a wooden two-step stair, i looked out of the window and wished i could be outside. i imagined myself sitting there on the pavement, warm with the sun's afternoon rays. i transported myself there, watching the fountain that has become quite a spectacle to the students who seemed to have never imagined that such a fountain could exist in a university. i really don't like the idea of being one of them, but that afternoon, i felt the need to be alone, to be quiet, to have something where I can fix my eyes to and just clear my mind of anything.

i wanted to go away. i felt the need to go somewhere far where i could stop hurting those that i love. i am depressed with the idea that i cannot seem to stop being stupid. there's always something that i do wrong. i try not to. but some persons are still offended--and hurt-- even if i don't intend to. sometimes i'm just too absent-minded or plain stupid.

i thought, i need to get away before people get tired of my mistakes and my apologies. i know there will come a time that even the person who loves me most would be drowned by my shortcomings and by that time, i'll have no one to blame but myself. i thought, maybe it's better to go away now when there's still love left.

maybe it's better to die.

i know i'm wrong and it's difficult to speak and defend the guilty.

musta na ang sem break?

2006-11-01T19:55:00.000+08:00

umpisa palang ng sem break, panay na ang iyak ko. guess i'm ending it in the same way. haaayy... why is this happening to me? ayoko nang umiyak.

months ago, officially naging iyakin na 'ko. naiiyak nako sa mga alaala, sa mga kanta pati sa mga pelikula. ewan ko ba. hindi naman ako dating ganito.

wala namang masyadong nangyari sa sem break ko. siguro nagpapasalamat ako't nakatulog ako ng matagal at hindi ko kailangang pumasok sa school at peskehin ng mga schoolworks. pero wala... malungkot pa rin... may mga INC pa rin ako. at hindi ko pa rin ginagawa ang thesis ko. di ko alam kung bakit every time na sisimulan ko na siyang gawin e nawawalan ako ng gana sa isang iglap. nakatapos na 'ko ng isang nobela sa loob ng ilang araw pero hindi ko talaga matapos ang isang short story na may humigit na 10 pages. grabe talaga. ayan, napag-tripan ko tuloy simulan yung harry potter 5 na hindi ko naman matatapos.

so ngayon plano ko talagang may gawin sa buhay. kahit inaantok na nga ako. umuulan... malamig. nakakaiyak na naman....

Haruka's Musings

2006-10-30T22:52:00.000+08:00

haaaayyy... tagal ko nang hindi gumagawa ng fanfic.... nami-miss ko na....
=========================================================

It was raining. There's a storm coming up, outside the window and in Haruka's
heart.

Haruka woke from a terrible dream. She couldn't quite remember but she could
feel her body shaking under the thick covers of her bed. Looking outside the
window beside her bed, she realized it was still mid-afternoon. The gray light
from the sky offered little comfort even as it tried to squeeze in from the half-
opened blinds. She decided, even if it's her preferred orange-red rays of the
sunset, there is nothing to comfort her right now.

'Where is Michiru?' unexpectedly, tears began to fall from her eyes. It always
got her confused and scared every time she cries this way-- unexpected,
attacked by a surging amount of loneliness brought by a series of images and
memories in her head. It's the image of Michiru, the ghost of her presence
broke her down. Haruka defintely isn't a crybaby. But Michiru almost always
does it.

When Haruka covered her face with the blanket as she cried, she could feel
Michiru's arms around her. She heard her asking what's wrong. She heard her
soft hushing. Haruka slowly raised her head above the blanket and saw Michiru's
face right in front of her, blue-green eyes full of concern. She could feel her
lover's hands cup her cheeks, thumbs running over her eyes to stop the tears
from flowing. There's a small smile in her lover's lips, urging her to do the
same. Haruka looked at her lips, never pale with its natural pink and looking
soft, but not more than they actually are. It never fails to amuse her that
Michiru's lips often looked like they were about to melt and true enough, they
feel the same upon her own lips.

But before she could get too excited, the vision was gone. Haruka wanted to
feel those lips. She doesn't want to feel the lust, rather the love that'll comfort
her now scared heart.

It was only three days ago when Michiru asked her of her greatest fear. They
were lying side by side on their bed in their little apartment. At first she didn't
know how to answer. "I already answered that question, didn't I?" Haruka said.
She wasn't the type to answer such questions and sometimes finds it
embarassing.

"Yes, but I want to know again," Michiru insisted, her mouth almost forming a
small pout.

"Well... before we became a couple..." she saw the excitement in her maiden's
eyes.

"Ok, so your reason now would be something related to me."

"Umm... yes, maybe but not quite. Before, I was afraid of not being able to
bear a child," Michiru joined her at the last phrase. Of course she knew, she
told her before. "But now..." she paused for a moment, allowing herself to think
while scooting closer to Michiru. God, how she loves just being close to her,
feeling her warm body next to hers. "I'm afraid of being alone. I don't want to
be alone anymore."

Michiru was all she needed to calm her nerves these days. She longed for her
presence beside her after more than a week of not seeing each other. They
were so used to being together and being away for so long has been quite
painful, though Haruka wants to make herself believe that she could manage.
She's a strong woman, isn't she?

She wants to believe that it must have been her disturbed hormones at this
time of the month that makes her extra depressed over matters. She was just
like that and it disgusts her that a natural phenomenon could leave her
vulnerable.

Like now, she lies on her bed still wearing yesterday's clothes. Haruka
attempted to still her shaking and go back to sleep. Her head throbbed but she
couldn't will away the voices in her mind. Michiru is far from her physically and
yet, in her heart, she also felt the distance. Sure, they had seen each other
three days ago. She was glad. She was relieved. And all she wanted was make
the best out of the opportunity that they were given.

But Michiru was tired. She wasn't able to sleep the night before and her body
chose to rest on the comfortable spot that is their home. She couldn't blame
her, though she wanted to for not sleeping enough when she knew that they
would meet each other the next day. She let her have her sleep and watched
her, guarded her. Haruka felt Michiru's steady breathing. Moving a stray wisp of
a hair aside, she studied her hair, cascading smoothly around her face and on
and on the pillows.

She hugged her, breathed in her natural scent that she loves. She once decided
that she smelled of pancakes. Michiru didn't really like that. Haruka closed her
eyes and then she decided that her lover smells like a river. In her mind, she
could picture a narrow river, almost like a creek, flowing around rocks and
green grass. Several dragonflies fly at the grass field and on the waters, going
on with their grazing, undisturbed by a presence amidst them. The late
afternoon sunshine warms the breeze and gently, Haruka could feel the wind
embracing her. The image reminded her of a similar place in her childhood
where she used to go every afternoon to feel the stream of water around her
ankles, to watch tadpoles, to find adventures and sometimes, to escape.

Michiru was tired. Too tired and sleepy to even notice her new haircut, or her
new pair of shoes. Haruka was quite terrible for the past months and she
thought, she has to improve something in her even just a little. She ought to
make up. She tried not to think about Michiru's not noticing these things. Not
until she's started dropping her off unceremoniously on the phone and on
cyberspace.

She doesn't like the feeling of being not okay with her lover. Or the mere
thought that Michiru is not okay. She tried asking but she was replied by a
dismissive, "Nothing". She tried not to push further and irritate her more. She
decided, she'll wait for a while. But not without saying that she's already hurt.
Sad and hurt.

Haruka's cellphone rang loudly in her ears as it alerted her of an incoming
message. Her heart suddenly jumped and for an instant she hoped it's
Michiru... and yet it scared her. She got the phone from under her pillow and
when she looked at it, her heart dropped. It wasn't her. She looked at her phone
for a while and hoped and prayed that the next message would be coming from
her.

The truth is, she fears the day that Michiru leaves her. She doesn't want to be
alone and she knew that Michiru is the other half of her soul. How can she ever
survive without her? How can she live another day without loving her, or even
thinking about her? How can she lose her life?

Tomorrow, Haruka hopes that everything will be alright. Michiru's voice echoes
again in her ears, "Ssshhh... everything's going to be alright..." And as Haruka
slept again, she whispered in Michiru's ears, "Everything's going to be alright,
honey... Don't let go. I love you..."

lies! all damn lies!

2006-10-28T17:01:00.001+08:00

natipuhan ko lang mashadong gumawa ng blog ngayon kaya makikigaya sa blog ni Precious. ahehehe... walang magawa amp!

C You're wild and crazy (hindi naman. pag-hyper lang)
E You have a nice ass (WISH!!!)
C You're wild and crazy (kapag may tumatawag lang sa wild bitch. bwahaha!)
I You get hyper easily (kapag nakikita ang taong gustong-gusto ko na makita)
L You live to have fun (...)
I You get hyper easily (kapag nakasobrahan sa diet coke o isang litrong coke regular)
A Damn good kisser (hay salamat may totoo rin... kapal!)

A Damn good kisser (sa asawa ko lang)
N You are absolutely beautiful (ok, end of the world na. haha! kailangan ba talaga yung 'absolutely'?)
G You never let people tell you what to do (it's not NEVER)
E You have a nice ass (FYI: wala akong pwet kumpara kay Ana Valenzuela)
L You live to have fun (sana nga ganito lang ako mabuhay)
I You get hyper easily (sabi ng pangalan ko, hyper ako)
N You are absolutely beautiful (eto ang totoo: You are absolutely ...ful. lol)
E You have a nice ass (waaaahh!!!)

Ang masasabi ko lang, puro kasinungalingan to. Pero gusto ko lang mag-comment. harhar! gotta do something worthwhile!!!

mahirap magbenta ng sarili

2006-10-28T16:41:00.000+08:00

magbenta nga ng sariling laman, mahirap na eh. Ewan ko ba, nakaka-depress lang isipin na magpaka-pokpok dahil wala namang bibili sakin.

Mahirap gumawa ng resume. ahehe... kailangang maglabas ng ego at isipin ang kamumunting kakayahan sa ugat--kung meron man. Kailangan ko pa bang isulat na marunong akong mag-Korean kahit super bano ako dun? Pati sa Spanish din? At sasabihin kong Excellent ang English skills ko kahit na hindi ko naman talaga sigurado ang pamantayan ng salitang 'Excellent'.

Patay-patay ako sa goals. Nung naisip ko yun... napatanong ako ng... ano nga ba? Siyempre malamang tatanungin ako kung san ko nakikita ang sarili ko ng 5 years time. Sasabihin kong nakikita ko ang sarili ko na may kotse at condominium. Tapos tatanungin ako kung pano ko yun matutupad. At sasabihin kong, umm... sasali sa Game Knb? At mauulit na naman ang nangyari, tatlong taon na ang nakararaan. Goodbye C&C.

E ano nga ba? Haven't really thought about that. O siguro meron. Umm...

Mag-iisip muna ako.

pain intolerant?

2006-10-28T15:32:00.000+08:00

Kanina, sinubukan ko lang gumawa ng blog na ala-narrative, pang-creative writing class. ewan ko ba, wala na yatang dugo ng creativity sa ugat ko. parang tanga. tapos may--after 2 years yata--ay may nag-review pa sa fanfic ko at gusto raw niya yung Haruka's Choice at ituloy ko raw. Wahaha! Well, I admit, ako nga nagustuhan ko yung pagkakasulat ko dun sa last chapters eh. San ko ba hinugot yung galing ko dun?

Kahapon kinagat ako ni Sheri si braso. Nakita ko pa nga e. Pero wala lang. Tiningnan ko lang siyang gawin yon. Tulad ng dati, pinansin ko na naman kung gano kapantay-pantay ang ngipin niyang nakabakat sa balat ko kumpara sa ngipin kong sungki-sungki. Napansin kong para ngang mejo madiin yung pagkakakagat niya kasi ilang sandali pa eh hindi pa rin nawawala yung pagka-pula nung kagat niya. Tinanong naman niya 'ko kung bakit daw hindi ako nag-react nung kinagat niya 'ko. Sabi ko, "Hindi naman masakit eh".

Akala ko lang pala yon. Nung gabi, masakit na sha. Mahawakan lang ng konti, kumikirot na. Konti lang naman yung naiwang brown na pasa--halos hindi pa nga pansin. Pero masakit talaga pag nahahawakan. Kahit daanan lang ng konti yung balat, masakit na siya.

Tapos naisip ko, ganon nga siguro ako pag nasasaktan. Sa una, sige ayos lang. Ok lang, makakangiti pa ko. Mapapatawad na kita agad bago ko pa maramdaman na Ay, masakit pala. Gago ka a! Kaya ayun... payn. May magagawa pa ba ako? Alangan namang magpapatawad ako tapos magagalit. Kaya ayan, bitter tuloy ako. Haha! Mga hindi nalabas na sama ng loob.

Pero pansin ko nga ano, parang konti-konti ako masaktan. Wala akong one big blow tapos wala na. Move on. Ako yata move-on agad, bearing the burden along the way. Hirap noh? Haaaayy.... Issues! Issues! Bwahahahaha!! Ayan, bitter amapalaya tuloy.

Maiba nga ako. Nagpa-manicure at pedicure ako kanina. Ayoko nga sana kasi inaantok ako at ginising ako ni mama mula sa isang panaginip na nalimot ko na. Ang tense ng muscles ko lalo na binti, tsaka sa pwet. Para akong umupo ng matagal pero hindi naman. Gusto ko ng masahe!!!!!! Pa-masahe naman... pu-lis?

Balik dun sa pagpapa-manicure... nasugatan pako ng 2 beses. Nag-ala-nail polish pa yung dugo. Ay basta. Sorry ha, mejo stupid, pero lagyan ba naman ng nail polish yung sugat ko?! Ang hapdi talaga!!

tarbaho

2006-10-23T14:53:00.000+08:00

ewan ko ba kung bakit yung iba kung i-pronounce ang 'trabaho' ay 'tarbaho'. wala lang, observation lang naman.

naghahanap ako ng trabho. kahit one-shot raket lang. kailangan ko lang ng pera. haaayy... pera!! pahingi namang pera o...please? o cge, wag mo ng i-suggest ang pagp-pokpok. kasi wala namang bibili sakin! so ano? may alam ka ba? magt-tatlong oras nako naghahanap eh. hirap ano, lalo na sa tulad kong wala namang skills.

aray

2006-10-19T21:02:00.000+08:00

"for every little thing u hold on to, u gotta let something else go..."

-status message ni Mary, at natamaan ako... nasaktan.

gusto kong pumunta sa Dumaguete.

what am I to do?

2006-10-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do. I'm torn.

If I try to please the one, the other won't like it. If I please the other, the other one won't like it either. Pleasing myself would be a compromise--I want to keep both. Hindi ba pwede yun? Masama ba maging masaya? Oo nga, siguro nga alam ko na ang sagot diyan.

It's a perpetual conflict that I cannot resolve even if I spend my whole life trying.

I've always been a person who believes in compromise. I want to make things meet in the middle. Pero sabi nila, ang mga nasa gitna raw ang unang nasasagasaan. Haaayy... I know I have to choose whether I like it or not. I thought going to Korea would be the biggest decision that I have to do in my life. I chose--and I was wrong. Olats lang talaga ako pumili. Wala akong pag-asa sa deal or no deal.

Sabihin man na kalokohan, sana nga maging milyonaryo rin ako.

So ano? Deal? or No deal?!

survey... walang magawa

2006-10-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

1) Single, Taken, or Crushin?
>> Taken

2) Are you happy with where you are?
>> OO

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
>> hindi. gradually...

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
>> opo... :(

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
>> wala. diyosko naman, ayoko ng cheater!!!

6.) Would you ever take back a cheater?
>> no. i have my pride and i know my value as a person. i cannot keep a lover who have no respect in me.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
>> yes

8) Do you want children?
>> yes

9) How many?
>> 4

10) Would you consider adoption?
>> yes... pero ayoko sana talaga. gusto ko anak namin.

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
>> umm... for me, as long as i can feel the sincerity. look at me in the eyes, hold me, then tell me. i like flowers din siguro. di pako nakatanggap nun eh.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
>> oo. haha!

13) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
>> hindi po

14)Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
>> oo naman!

15) Do you believe that you can change someone?
>> i thought i can. pero i found out that it doesn't work that way. kusa shang magbabago at magco-compromise dahil sa pagmamahal niya sakin (at suggestions perhaps). hindi ako dapat mag-demand ng pagbabago.

16) If u could get married anywhere where wouldit be (money's not an option)?
>> actually, anywhere. God, I just want to be married!

17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
>> yes

18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
>> dati cguro

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
>> yes?

20) Would you ever fight somebody over your significant other?
>> oo naman!!

21) Is there anything you want to say to your ex?
>> wala naman akong ex

falling off the edge. hold me.

2006-09-17T02:54:00.000+08:00

hindi ko na alam kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. sobrang sabog ako at hindi ko alam kung bakit nawalan ako ng interes sa pagaaral. maraming mga tao ang tamad na tamad din at parang nahahawa na ako sa kanila. hindi na ako pumapasok--sagad sagad na ang mga absences ko na malapit nakong ma-FA sa mga subjects ko--at lagi pa akong late. hindi na rin ako nakikinig sa mga lectures unlike before na nabubuhay ako kahit hindi nag-aaral kasi focused ako sa discussions. ngayon, fleeting na ang utak ko at kung anu-ano ang iniisip ko kung hindi man ako blanko at natutulog ng nakadilat.

ano ang problema ko? hindi sa wala na akong makitang dahilan para mag-aral tulad ng iba. in fact, napakarami kong dahilan para mag-aral. isa na don e gusto kong yumaman. eh pano naman ako yayaman kung Lit na nga ang course ko, bobo pa ako? hindi nga... bobo na talaga ako... totoo... no joke. hindi na talaga ako nag-aaral. at wala na akong naiintindihan sa mga ini-input sa utak ko. iniisip ko, kulang lang ako sa tulog. natutulog naman ako pero wala pa rin...

isa pa, wala na akong dignidad. wala na nga yatang respeto sakin ang mga kaklase ko dahil nakikita nila akong lumalagapak. kaya kung utusan ako ni Jasmin, ganun nalang. feeling ko ang liit-liit ko na.

at set alam mo ba, 7/15 ako sa narrative ko sa creative writing. tangena talaga yan ano... hindi naman ganun kasama ang loob ko kasi alam ko naman na crammed yon. ang nakakasama lang talaga eh yung wala nakong dignidad sa mga kaklase ko na nakabasa at nag-workshop ng epal kong ginawa. Nakaka-insulto talaga ang palakpakan na alam kong nandun lang para konsolasyon sa lahat. isa pa, alam ko namang hindi ako ganon magsulat. syet, maganda pa yung revised chapters ko ng 'Haruka's Choice' kesa dun eh. grabe ang crappy ko talaga.

tapos eto, inuumaga na naman ako sa harap ng computer pero wala parin akong thesis. hindi ko alam kung bakit wala akong mahugot na konting interes man lang o kahit pag-aalala man lang na wala akong thesis. syet. nag-aalala na ako na hindi ako nag-aalala. lam mo yun? bad trip talaga. pero ang bilis ko mag-type ng blog na ito.

siguro marami lang tumatakbo sa isip ko na either active o passive na nakapila para mailabas. kumbaga, pending sila at nasa dulo ng linya ang thesis ko. wahahaha!!

excuses.

daming issues ng bruha. di ko na alam. bitter bitter bitter!! [ang mag-comment ng 'bitter ampalaya' sasapakin ko]

Men are like... from pres

2006-09-15T09:56:00.000+08:00

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk forfree. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are againstmarriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying anentire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out ofyou.
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firmthey are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to changethem.
4. Men are like ...Blenders You need One, but you're not quite surewhy.
5. Men are like .....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & theyusually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a wordthey say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooolong to mature.
9. Men are like .....Mascara . They usually run at the first signof emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for alittle while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they'recoming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........ Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but notvery bright.
13. Men are like P arking Spots . All the good ones are taken, therest are handicapped.

----------------------------------------------------------

haha! i like this article. taenang mga lalaki talaga yan o...

anong comment yan?

2006-09-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

"ano bang gusto mong gawin make it with your vulva? or with someone who has one? hay buhay.,. "

wala lang, nakakagago lang.....

eto na naman ako

2006-09-11T16:02:00.000+08:00

hmm... cge na nga, aasikasuhin ko muna ang thesis ko. next time i'll make kwento tungkol sa baguio. hehe... baka nga later eh. pero gusto ko lang sabihin na first official poem ko yung "Hearing...not" na mababasa niyo sa sidebar ----->>

"oh my god, i should have a boyfriend"

2006-09-11T13:20:00.000+08:00

sabi yan ng isang looking sophomore sa UP na nakasabay ni Phoebe sa jeep.

sabi niyo nga, should we have a boyfriend? shempre ang sagot niyo, OO.

di ko alam. ano ba ang love? what does love mean in the first place. or does love has any meaning at all? love is such an undefinable word because it's so subjective. what does love mean for me then? i don't want to answer. i'm afraid that the moment i try to define it, the meaning will disappear. and besides, i don't want to be cliche. o baka gayahin lang ng iba yung meaning ko, maging cliche pa. haha!

but it's a wonderful feeling. kahit one-sided pa yun. sabi nga ni sir Galan, why do we love despite the fact that in the end, one would get hurt? it's because the feeling is good while it's still there. so ano, parang get the most out of it... while it still lasts.

yun nga eh. making the most out of it. let's make the most out of it, okay?

gusto kong magpunta sa Dumaguete. maganda raw dun. sabi sa 'Odd Girl Out' na book (find it in national bookstore--chicklit sha) there's always the moon in Dumaguete. Why do I love the moon? Is it because of its mystery? Its poetic potentials? Or is it just because I fantasize of the Moon Kingdom where a ceratin Princess Serenity exists? Where a queer kind of love is acceptable...

The moon is ever changing, and so is love? it is ever changing, sometimes its invisible and yet you know it's there, just there waiting for the perfect timing to wax.

ang tanong, lagi na lang bang new moon?

hehe...

anyway, sabog ako. last saturday, panic na panic na ko sa buhay ko. hindi lang sa nagkanda-leche leche ang trapik sa baha at ulan tapos hindi pa ko nakapunta sa acquaintance, hindi lang sa may potangenang nagsabi sa nanay ko na hindi raw ako pumasok nung umaga kahit pumasok naman ako, kundi dahil nakaka-panic na ang buhay ko. biruin mo, wala pakong thesis na papasa na sa 18 pero heto pa rin ako at inuubos ang buhay ko sa pagb-blog? sabi ko noon hindi ako makahanap ng oras para mag-blog. ngayon ang oras na dapat wala akong oras pero eto. cge, blog pa rin ng blog. tangena talaga ako. bakit ako ganito?

kailangan kong mag-aral at grumadweyt. siguro naf-frustrate lang ako kasi kailangan ko ng pera. napakarami kong excuses sa buhay. kesyo i need a vacation and i need a lot of rest. puro rest na nga etong ginagawa ko pero pagod pa rin ako. kailangan ko sumali sa game knb? OI naman mga peeps! parang awa niyo na! samahan niyo akong sumali sa game knb? !!!

i am sad. terribly sad of the future. it is so unclear, between you and me. because you refuse to pin down the words. because you refuse to promise, to stand in conviction. i am afraid of what your dreams contain and of the thousand possibilities that contain in it... those possibilities, it seems that you are very willing to try. why? the feeling is confusing and yet i content myself in the present, in the feeling that is so good, save the pains for later, i tell myself.

the question is, 'do i need a boyfriend'? the turtle told me once that i need a good boyfriend because i hate men. i hate men for their lies and their stupidity. i hate men for their egos and their penises. i hate men and i feel like i don't need a man to "seemingly" throw me up to the heavens only to tell me later that all is one damn joke.

anyway, men don't like me. so why should i like them?

"Men laughing showing off their tonsils" --- them Ma'am Guevara said, "it's very obvious that you hate men", saying it as if she really knows for a fact that I hate men.

haaayy.... i don't like men. Their penises are devalued by dildos. (not that i know how either feels. but still... was that Paris Hilton who said that she wasn't able to climax until she used a dildo?)

bakit nga ba napunta ako sa dildos?

hurting

2006-08-28T11:55:00.000+08:00

sending pictures of you
of that day when
dress after dress
you tried them all
posing in front of the mirror
searching for the
perfect pair

for him.

bubblehead

2006-08-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

nga pala, dumating na si joseph, jopet panget. wala lang. ano pang magagawa ko? meron ba? meron ba? kahit ano pa. may magagawa pa ba ako?

my existence is in vain

can you keep a secret?

2006-08-20T00:55:00.000+08:00

hindi talaga ako maayos magsulat ng blog kapag wala sa "moment". sabi nila, mga writers daw ay nagsusulat, hindi sa kanilang "moment" kundi after pa nun kasi para yata magkaroon ng objectivity? makapagisip-isip muna? oh well... romantic point of view lang naman ni wordsworth yan. ang sakin lang, sarap kasi ibuhos sa keyboard yung mga galit mo sa mundo.

lesson of the day: TRUST YOUR WOMAN'S INTUITION

ayun lang... pag feeling niyo ginagago kayo ng mga boypren niyo, yung feeling na hindi mawala? makikinig kayo at wag niyo isasantabi yung thought until mapatunayan niyo na. note: not applicable for the über paranoid.

tsaka ayon.. secrets are allowed. pero naman. wag nman sa mukha ko yung "may sikreto kami! may sikreto kami! belat, di ka kasama sa sikreto namen!!!" kaya ayoko ng nagbubulungan sa harap ko eh. ala lang. i respect the secrets pero yoko lang ng ganun.

masakit ang knuckles ko kasi sinuntok ko yung pader. bow.

i've been wanting to reiterate something you didn't believe

2006-08-07T19:54:00.000+08:00

at least nakahinga nako kahit papano. thanks sa ngiti at sa alak.

nung sabado

2006-08-07T19:46:00.000+08:00

walang internet connection. walang magawa.

tagal ko na ring hindi nagu-update ng blog. haaayy... dami na nangyari ah. wonder if i should update everyday pero... hirap yata nun. magastos. every week naman, i'll try... kung hindi maraming gagawin.

speaking of gagawin, i should spend my time, going over post-colonial theories, finding out my focus or sleeping instead. but i still haven't heard from sheri and i just have to know if she arrived home safely. she told me that she felt that she's going to die tonight--not that i feel really scared about it--but oh well, scared. hehe... maybe I trust her instincts too much even though she actually reached her 20 years of age even when she said she's not going to.

so what if i die tonight? dunno. don't want to think about it...

but what i really want to do tonight is play an rpg game. just want to raise my level, be strong... haaayy...
and i want to unleash bitterness too. It's been, what, a week? since i've been itching to get that flavored alcohol down my throat but I've no time aside from the fact that I've been restricted to. That's rule no.1 and I don't want to lie. it's just that i feel that if i don't unleash them, i'd appear a very bitter ampalaya in all my narratives. shet. i want to be done with being an ampalaya.

speaking of narratives, i should be doing one now. but i decided, i won't do anything academic tonight. if only i have an internet connection, then maybe i'd get some work done with post-colonial readings and those papers for Baguio. i'm sure Madi's going to kill me--if not Ma'am G--if I still fail to submit them to the dean's office by Monday. Oh shet, I still have to make sir ferdie sign the papers. crap.crap. crap. really don't want to deal with authorities.

statement: i'm done with balat-sibuyas people. oops. bitterness na naman? hehe... i guess it's not comfortable anymore that i have to deal with people who I cannot be myself with because I have to constantly watch my words and my JOKES, lest I hurt someone. because apparently, jokes are half-meant and has to be treated with grave seriousness.

long time no post

2006-07-23T22:51:00.000+08:00

haaayy... tagal-tagal na ano? ehehehe... tagal ko na di nagpo-post samantalang araw-araw dati. oh well, ganun talaga kapag hindi na libre ang internet at kapag ang mga taong inaabangan mo sa net ay nasa tabi mo lang. mejo nagkaproblema nga ako dito sa blog eh. pero ayos lang, masaya rin naman kasing mag-express dito sa blog.

hmm... ayun, every week ay nag-aaway kami ng nanay ko. pero cease fire this weekend kasi may sakit sha. dared not open the topic nor clear my name in that "why didn't you text me" issue. basta, basta. kakainis na rin if i begin thinking of it and some other loads of bullshit that's been thrown at me. suspicions, accusations... whatever. if i had known last saturday that she wants we out of the house, i shouldn't have gone home.

hay naku tlg naman....

k fine

2006-07-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

ewan. di ko alam kung bakit na-crushan ko pa yung hayop na yun.

1. ok, hindi lang niya tinawag si sheri na "hot". "really hot friend" na.
2. he asked her for a date. and he asked ME to ask her.
3. he told me he liked marian. only if she wasn't head over heels with the jap guy
4. he's constantly asking me for "nice pinays"
5. he's a guy and therefore, he sucks.

whatever. i'm quitting.

i don't know what to do

2006-07-02T11:20:00.000+08:00

i should be doing my thesis instead of parking my ass here in front of the computer. sucks. i'm so lazy, i'll never get things done.

there is chaos in my life.

but I'm just happy... that someone is always there for me

wla lng

2006-06-29T14:56:00.000+08:00

hehe... dati internet galore pa everyday. ngayon imposible na!! wahaha!! kita kami ni pres kahapon. miss ko na sha... uy malapit na bday ko... regalo ko ha! haha! o di kaya, para makatipid kayo sa next 3 bdays ko, gawin niyo nalang yung abstract at related literature ko sa thesis. next thursday papasa ha? hehe...

selos ako. tangena tlg. wag na!!!

hehe..

back home

2006-06-25T21:26:00.000+08:00

i have once thought of not going home anymore as i foresaw tons of problems, probably more than what I can handle. I wasn't wrong. But at least my innermost and greatest fear has been calmed and I think I will be able to live through my academic hell. But God knows, I'm so tired. I think I'm having listening problems already because my mind's too crowded to absorb details. I'm becoming slower than ever. Not good, not good... I need to rest. I need a vacation.

There is once again, reprieve.

di ko pa nakikita si precious and suzette. kaasar. want to see them so badly. inuman pa dba? bonding?? miss ko na sila sobra as in to da max.

Nope. wala na. wala na pong pag-asa. hehe... too bad. I really don't understand why distance should fuck everything up. Damn it.

tangenang pabitin to!!

2006-06-14T17:16:00.000+08:00

shit.

jologflg: hey, what is the name of that girl in accidental spy?
jologflg: marian said her name in dennis's apartment, i forgot it.
kourin_ph: hmm... i don't remember. i don't think i even remember the movie ^_^
jologflg: ohhh...
jologflg: there's two, vivian hsu is the drugged up girl in the movie but i was talking about the south korean, she's kim min jeong.
jologflg: ^_^
jologflg: ang ganda.
kourin_ph: nung girl?
jologflg: hindi. ikaw.
kourin_ph: weehh...
jologflg: oh ano?
kourin_ph: ano?
jologflg: hehe, also looking at your pictures on friendster.

tama na. i wanted to say: "if i know, you're just looking at my friends" but i didn't because i'm afraid he'd tell me "yes" and ask me more about them which will be unbearable.

damn it. wtf?!

don't let me fall again for someone who isn't going to catch me. ayoko nang mabitawan. not again.

umuulan ngayon

2006-06-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

ok. i'm too lazy to go into detail right now. it's raining and i'm hungry and super sleepy na!

yeah, i've been with him almost everyday since last week. he's been walking me to my dorm building even if it means going farther than he should. he's been calling me for lunch (and right now he invited me to dinner even if he's dormmate will be coming) and he's the one who suggested that we go to Namsan last monday. We've been together the whole day since monday. he put his arms around me whenever Korea goaled in last night's world cup. he would sometimes pay for our meal. we watched Mission Impossible 3 together (which is not a date. it was marian's fault). i'd hum and he would whistle Beach Boys' "wouldn't it be nice?". we agreed to get drunk in August (even if we both don't drink).

Yeah, i like him a lot.

But.

Okay, I really don't think he likes me. maybe I'm more of a sister to him. I don't know... it's the fault of stupid men.

Yeah, I showed him one fucking picture and he asked if she has a boyfriend. (who? who else?)

damn it. damn! damn it!!

that happened sunday night and just when i convinced myself that i hate guys and i won't let myself to like him (despite the surprising realization that he and Art's birthday is the same!!), he called Monday for lunch. Damn it. Fate's playing with me again.

Parang pabitin.

damn it!

2006-06-11T22:02:00.000+08:00

potangena anaknampotah tangena talaga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tangena!! fine! fine! fine!! sa'yo na lahat! tangena tlg! ikaw na maganda lahat lahat na!!

potangena sabi ko na senyo bakit bako nangangarap?! tangena tlg o... lahat nalang ng tao, lahat nlng ng lalake! tangena tlg! sabi ko na nga ba eh! shouldn't have done it. wrong move! tangena!!! tangena!!! i swear if he... if he.... shut up! fuck it! tangena!!!

SOS

2006-06-09T18:33:00.000+08:00

Arg! Bigyan niyo ko ng mamahalin! Now na!!

Ganyanan naman lagi eh. Ba't ba ganun, fine, lagi nalang kayo. Sige. Kayo na maganda, matalino, masarap kasama, lahat na! huuu... Kaasar na buhay to, parang lagi nalang ako yun negative kaya laging napapansin yung mga nasa tabi ko. Lam niyo yung concept na yun? Positive-Negative, White-Black, Yin-Yang--laging ako yung negative pag tinatabi ako sa ibang tao.

When Will It be Me?
Yasmeen

I see the couples are walkin` by
Feel like I
Don`t wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide
Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy
Tell me why
When there`s so much I`ve got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight
`Til I realize
That nobody is there

When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
When`s it gonna be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never let me go?
I`d really like to know
When will it be me?

My friends seem to have all the love
(Feels like love)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I`ve been wishing for
I can`t wait no more
Love`s nowhere to be found

When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
Tell me, when is it going to be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never let me go?
I`d really like to know
When will it be me?

Feeling his tender touch
(Lying in his arms)
Talkin` bout forever together
Givin` him all my love
That`s been trying to break free

Don`t wanna be alone
No more
I`m telling you what I need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be?
Wonder when it will be me?

When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
somebody he's dreaming of..
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms

When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
Ohh, yeah, yeaahh
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms

I ask myself
When will it be me?

si jopet

2006-06-07T15:21:00.000+08:00

yikee! ayan pic namin ni Joseph sa Rose Garden.

Yan si Joseph. Mabait yan... la lang... ayos siyang barkada. Hindi siya gaanong madaldal pero masaya na ring kasama lalo na pag maraming kasama. Tamang-tama lang--hindi tahimik pero hindi madaldal. Ang cute niya pag tumatawa siya... hehe... Information systems ang major niya sa states. Magaling sa computer malamang. tsaka nung Monday nalaman kong marunong siyang mag-piano. Tapos blackbelter pa siya sa Arnis (sa states nag-aral). Wala pang bisyo. At mas matangkad pa siya saken! Na-kwento ko na ba na hinatid niya ko sa dorm one time? hehe... nice noh? haaayy... nilibre pa niya ako ng hawaiian ice na strawberry flavor sa everland. kapal talaga ng mukha ko pero di naman ako nahihiya that time. nyok nyok

Minsu, Joseph and I

Meron pa nga kaming moment tatlo na naka-upo kami sa bench tapos ako yung nasa-gitna eh. Dapat papakuha ako ng pic kay Marian kaso di naman ako pinansin nung minsang napadaan siya. sayang. gandang shot nun. hehe... kaya eto nalang sa gardens.

ayun... daming pinagkaka-aliwan. pero wala. hindi lumalapit si Cupido. hehe... ayan siya, kunwari lang na papana pero wala namang pana. gusto ko bang ma-inlab? oo naman. nanjan o wala si Cupido.

Everland... Everland...

2006-06-07T14:10:00.000+08:00

Been 4 days ago since we went to Everland (a counterpart of EK though we really cannot compare, ne?) and the song still plays in my head. Honestly, I could've forgotten it if not for the constant joy of teasing Marian who is SO irritated by the song. hehehe...

There they are... and the guys are mine! bwahahaha!! Oh well, seriously, Yuu and Minsu could easily pass as my brothers--Yuu being my older brother and Minsu, his classmates call him their younger brother. And Joseph... hmm... not thinking much about him since we just knew each other and we're leaving in 2 weeks time. Just nice to have a guy friend around.

What to say? We had fun though I didn't try the really scary rides-- the Rolling X-train with it's double loop and the ridiculous Double Rock Spin. I have a video clip of Double Rock Spin so I'll just show you when I come back. Perhaps Ana will be thrilled though... Everland is so big, we weren't able to try all the rides even though we arrived at about 11:30am and went home at 10pm. There was a Moonlight Parade where they turn off all the lights in the area so we can see the amazing lights-studded floats. Super fun! Feels like a kid again... the lights are quite hypnotizing. I was just a little sad then because my camera ran out of batteries so I wasn't able to take pictures of that parade.

Why did the ducks cross the street? hehehe... malay ko. ang cute nila noh?? hehehe... after them may ponies pa tapos may unggoy... yan after yan nung nagpunta kami sa Safari. We rode a bus then saw wild animals up close. Lions, tigers and even bears! Ang saya nung bears! Ang cute nila super huggable and super big!! Dun sa labas, malapit jan sa area ng mga ducks na yan, marami ring hayop, mga kambing tsaka itik tsaka sheep! pwede pa sila pakainin. Tapos pwede ring sumakay nung camel for a fee.

Sumakay rin pala kami nung Amazon River, parang Rio Grande. Kala ko pa naman hindi ako mababasa kasi unlike sa EK, may plastic tarp na naka-cover naman sa mga katawan para hindi naman mabasa. Pero wala. wa-epek! Nabasa ako!! As in basang-basa yung jacket ko na hindi natuyo hanggang pagkatapos ng dinner pa. Di pa nga yun masyadong tuyo eh, napilitan lang ako isuot kasi maginaw na nung gabi. Tapos pati yung pants ko kaya nabasa. As in basa! Ako nga yung pinaka-basa sa kanilang lahat eh. Kasalanan yun ni Joseph eh. Nakita ko dapat tatabi sha sakin tapos ewan ko ba ba't nagdalawang isip pa sha at dun sha kay Marian tumabi. Si Yuu naman nakakatawa kasi lagi shang nababasa sa mukha. Para bang lagi shang wina-water gun sa mukha. hehehe... kakatuwa. Sayang nga lang at kailangan na niyang umalis agad kasi may trabaho pa sha. Hindi niya tuloy naabutan yung mga masasayang rides talaga na siguro gusto niyang sakyan. Sayang pa pera niya...

yeah right, one hell of a great kisser

2006-06-05T14:31:00.000+08:00

Found this in Friendster:

CANCER

Great Kisser.
Very high sex appeal.
Great in bed ...
Totally laid back
Freak in bed
Most horny.
Love is one of a kind.
Very romantic.
Most caring person you will ever meet!
Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out..

sabi ni Ana, boy freak daw ako

2006-06-01T17:38:00.000+08:00

horoscope: While you normally like to have all of your romantic relationships be extremely nurturing and comforting, you may find that this is not always possible to achieve, dear Cancer. There is a disconnection between you and a close partner right now that might be hard to remedy. Time is really the only thing that is likely to resolve this sort of problem at this junction. Remember that all of your relationships can't always go exactly according to plan.

bwahahaha!! bukas, pupunta kami bukas sa Everland. at may 3 akong boylets dun. hehehe... finally nakuha ko na ang number ni Yuu. naku! dun ko pa nakuha yung number niya kay Yun--ang hirap kausap! di ko maintindihan. oh well, mas hindi niya ko maintindihan. tapos di ko rin maintindihan si Yuu kasi andami niyang sinasabi in Korean. kaya ayun, si Marian na lang kumausap sa kanya. hehehe... sila nga pinagpapartner ko bukas eh, since marunong naman silang dalawa mag-korean. dun nalang ako kay Joseph. marunong na mag-korean, magaling pa mag-english! hehe...

pero in any case, hindi naman ako mangangarir bukas. im planning to enjoy tomorrow!! yikes!! katakot mag-rides! kayo bagay dito eh. hehe... sana may magandang attraction... para hindi puro rides.

so ayun... bahala na bukas. hwekhwekhwek.... wish ko lang magsalita na si Joseph para hindi naman ako mukhang tanga na ako na lang ang naga-approach sa kanya! umm!

at sana di na niya sabihin sa tatay niya na tinawagan ko pa sha kanina.

wahahaw!

2006-05-31T12:45:00.000+08:00

NEWSFLASH!!

I got his number already!

I mean Joseph's number. wehehe...

nangangarir?!

2006-05-30T18:09:00.000+08:00

heion... eto... feeling nangangarir ng boylet. wahahaha!!! who would have thought?! Actually pwedeng 2 na ang karirin ko eh kaso tinatamad ako dun kay Yuu.

So si Joseph nalang.

sino si Joseph? hehe... anak naman siya ni kuya Arnold na Pilipinong nakilala namin sa church. kelan lang siya dumating from the states kasi dun siya nagaaral ng college tapos pumunta yata sa Korea as part of their curriculum. exchange yata. so he'll be studying here in SNU for a while... Korean ang mom niya at super kamukha niya ang dad niya. Cute na rin... only if he'll smile some more. Mukhang mahiyain. Hindi kasi gaanong nagsasalita.

May nagtanong sa dad niya kung bakit wala shang girlfriend eh. sabi yata ni kuya Arnold, "walang tumatagal eh" sabay tawa. hehe... anyway, he looks good as a person naman. masarap tingnan kasi mukhang inosent. minsan mukhang tanga. haha!

so ayun, invite ko shang pumuntang Everland (amusement park ata). So shempre tinanong ko kung may number ba sha o email para makontak ko sha. Yikkeee! pailalim?! hehe... sayang wala pa shang number pero nakuha ko na email niya! bwahaha!! success na naman. masaya talaga dito sa Korea, may reason ka para makuha ang mga contacts ng mga tao. Ultimo tindero ng souvenirs, nakukuhanan ko ng business cards (hindi sa crush ko yun ha! yuck!).

Kaya in-email ko na sha kanina. Sana makasama siya. hehe...

Nakakatawa nga yun eh. Pagtinatanong siya kung marunong ba siyang magtagalog, sasabihin niya, "konti lang..." hehe! ang cute kaya!!

pero don't get me wrong. hindi ko naman sha super crush. pano naman kasi yung tatay niya bot kay Marian ano. Yung tatay pa niya yung kumukuha ng number ni Marian para raw may makausap ang anak niya. tapos sabi pa nun kay Marian, "Alagaan mo anak ko ha..." niloloko ko nga si Marian na kung pwede lang ipagkakasundo na talaga sila ni kuya Arnold eh.

pero sabi ni ate Jeanette, mas bagay raw kami. Yikkeeee!!! *^^*

then before kami naghiwalay nung Sunday kasi uwi na sila, sabi niya sakin, "I'll be waiting for your email." hehe... I barely heard pa nga kasi mahina boses nun eh. haha! sana reply na sha. pero you know what, ala lang. I'm not counting my chances.

ay alam niyo ba sa Japan, baligtad pala ang mundo. Ang babae ang nanliligaw sa lalaki. As in! Lalaki pa raw ang nambabasted sabi ni kuya Dennis na nanirahan na sa Japan. tapos girls pa raw ang nagbibigay ng mga regalo sa guys. Basta wait lang ang mga guys. Ganun. Parang babae! Pansin nga namin yung isang japanese na babae sa language institute, siya pa yung punta nang punta dun sa room nung guy during break time.

So naisip ko lang, dapat pala sa Japan tumira si Mary. Wahahahahaha!!! o di kaya Hapon ang karirin niya.

So pwede kong karirin si Yuu (since naghahanap naman daw siya ng girlfriend)? hehe... mabait pa yun. Kahapon nga eh, parang sasabihin pa ata ni Marian kay Ms.Kim na crush ko si Yuu! inunahan ko na talaga na sabihin na si Marian ang may gusto na isama si Yuu sa Everland para may makasamang Japanese yung crush niyang Japanese din. Wushu! Sabi tuloy ni Ms.Kim, mabait naman si Yuu. Oo nga, alam ko. Pero hindi ko lang siya masyadong crush as in kasi mas maliit body frame nun saken eh. hehe... tsaka parang kuya na tingin ko dun. Well technically, kuya ko naman talaga sha kung age lang ang pagbabasihan.

Pero remember Minsu? Yung batang taga-Ecuador? sasama siya sa Everland! yay! 2 fafas! wahaha! Got to brush up my Spanish!! kaya lang nalimot ko na talaga... as in... naku, pa-review nalang kaya ako? hehe... tama! ganun kaya?

Tawagan ko na kaya si Yuu? kaya lang di ko alam number niya eh. tatanong ko pa kay du Peng. naku wag na... kakahiya. hehe... dapat invite ko rin si du peng nun! fine. ngek ngek. whatever.

nagdaldal na naman ako... hehe... 미안해요!

*note: kung gusto niyong makita ang korean characters, install niyo sa PC niyo. or try niyo muna click VIEW> encoding (ata) tapos hanapin niyo yung korean language. i think kelangan pa nung system installer. Oh well, kahit naman mabasa niyo di niyo naman maiintindihan dba? wala lang, para lang nakikita niyo yung characters kesa box-box. ^_^

pung!

2006-05-29T16:43:00.000+08:00

ayun... nagtago ako sa likod ng poste para hindi niya ko makita. tapos dun siya dumaan sa kabila kung saan kitang-kita ako. lufet noh?

haaayy... nakakaiyak naman yung Ice Age... yung 1 ha.. ala lang... hehe... aww...

nung Sunday, bigla kong nabulalas ang "gusto ko nang mag-asawa..." tapos kitang-kita ko talaga yung pang-sineng epek ng pag-turn ng ulo nila towards my direction. as in nagulantang yata na para kong sinabing "buntis ako". sira ulo talaga yung mga yun. pero mas sira ang ulo ko.

ewan ko ba kung anong meron nung araw na yun. antok na antok lang ako, nakasakay sa kotse habang nakatingin sa labas, pinagmamasadan ang mga damuhan tapos naisip ko lang. parang may urge lang. ganun.

haaayy... i need SOMEONE!! tangenang buhay to o... couldn't even get a good hug! or ANY hug for that matter. demet.

tapos gusto ko pang manood ng "The Notebook"?? goodluck sa psyche ko! mushyness all over kaya lang nobody to share the mushyness with. ahehe... naman!

ayun ayaw yta ng tadhana na magpaka-mushy ako kaya misteryosong nawala ang Windows Media Player at hindi ko ma-play yung movie. fine. Finding Nemo nlng. hehe... ang loser eh noh? ngayon ko lang papanoorin.

So I said I already thought of a novel inspired by her. Okay, that was weird. Shouldn't have said that. Maybe I got the wrong words. So there, I already promised her the book. That means, I have to do it! *sigh* I promised 2 books already. One to T.Leslie and the other to Ms.Kim. See? What I mean 'inspired' was the same 'inspiration' I got from T.Leslie, if you know what I mean.

Speaking of her, T.Leslie's already Assistant Principal of the 1st and 2nd years. Did you read that pres?! AP! Seems that every time I see her, she always get herself promoted. cool...

gusto ko nang magka-anak.

I don't know what to say

2006-05-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

Why am I so damn bad at speaking?? Nakakaasar na sobra.

Nakakaasar!!! I looked so stupid. Argh!!

sigh

2006-05-26T10:12:00.000+08:00

Till It's Time
By carol banawa

I just, cant tell
This feeling here inside me
I feel, so strange
Whenever you are near me

Everytime i see you pass i smile
But then you never seem to realize
Its for your eyes
If you would say hello
It would be nice

Chorus:
You're in my mind
Almost all the time
Every single minute all i do is think of you
And deep inside
In this heart of mine
I have to go on wishing till its time

One day, you came
And you are oh so near me
I smiled, and then
You turn and did not see me

How am i supposed to get to meet you
What should i do
Your in my dreams, i feel it seems
That you dont feel it quite the way i do

Chorus:
You're in my mind
Almost all the time
Every single minute all i do is think of you
And deep inside
In this heart of mine
I have to go on wishing till its time

Yeahhh heyyyy ohhh

Yes deep inside
In this heart of mine
I have to go on wishing till its time

Chorus:
You're in my mind
Almost all the time
Every single minute all i do is think of you
And deep insideIn this heart of mine
I have to go on wishing till its time

YeaaaaahhhTill its time.......

cinematic consciousness

2006-05-25T20:49:00.000+08:00

i don't know what's wrong with me but I just realized that i've been aloof with people in some way. i am not ordinarily like this even with new people and i even make sure that im kinder that usual or be my usual kind self whenever Im dealing with them so they can be my friends. but here, im not, as if there's an automatic wall built up around me.

i just realized this when i noticed that i didn't get a glass of iced tea for marian at dinner tonight. what i would do usually is get a glass for whoever's with me. but i didn't. and then sometimes when we walk, i don't mind if she comes behind me. i don't necessarily wait for her. maybe... i don't know. maybe i know the answer.

im just going crazy doing this essay in literature. slept at 3 am then woke up at eight. bangag ika nga.

dinala ka ng musika sa huling gabi kung kailan ninais mong hindi na sana nagwakas. noong mga panahong 'yon, muntik mo ng tinawag ang mga di kilalang diyos upang patigilin lamang ang pagtik-tak ng mga orasan; at dahil siguro may dwende na nakarinig sa dasal mo, pinatigil niya tuloy ang orasan mong regalo ng nanay mo nung nakaraan mong kaarawan. pero hindi yon sapat para patigil ang pagsikat ng araw. sumabay ka sa agos tulad ng iyong nakagawian na at hinayaan mo nalang na malunod ka sa baha ng luha na hindi makaagos.

pero tandang-tanda mo ang tunog, ang lagaslas ng kalungkutan nung gabing yun, at ng mga gabing nagdaan. pero tulad ng dati, wala kang nagawa kundi makinig. at patuloy mong naririnig hanggang sa mga panahong ito. pero natatawa ka na lang. isang tawang tutulad sa mga tunog sa iyong alaala.

natatawa ka dahil ang mga alaala, ang mga himig na kinakapitan mo sa malupit na agos, ay kusang bumitaw sa'yo. wala kang sinabi. hinayaan mo nalang na tangayin ka habang nakatitig ka sa kamay mong umaabot sa langit, kung saan ang inyong mga palad ay perkpektong naglapat.

dapat gawin ko ng fanfic tong mga spurts of ideas na to eh!

adik!

2006-05-25T18:57:00.000+08:00

uy lam mo ba ngayon, alis na ulit papa ko. di ko na siya naabutan... aww... sadness. wala ng magt-tiyagang tawagan ako dito. yun lang naman kasi ang mat-tiyagang tumawag sakin kahit naasar na siya kasi wala ako lagi sa kwarto. hehe... ngayon kailangan ko pa yata tumawag sa bahay para lang sabihin na tawagan nila ako. nguwek.

ayun usap kami kanina. parang ako nga yung aalis dito kasi binibilinan ako ng papa ko tungkol sa pagalis ko dito, tungkol sa bag na bibilhin ko para sa extra stuff, pasalubong... feeling ko talaga ako yung uuwi eh noh! pero malapit na rin yun!! dava??

alam mo ba tipid mode nako dapat ngayon eh. nag-wthdraw nga ako kanina tapos kinuwenta ko na pera ko na tamang-tama lang para may maiuwi pako (at mabayaran pa utang ko sa mama ko). tapos ba naman, dumaan kami sa bookstore kanina para bumili nung level 2 na korean book. nakita ba naman namin yung english books naka sale 30% off!!! siyet na malagket! ayun... napabili na naman ako!!! kanina nga eh ang dami kong hawak na libro, actually di ko na sila mahawakan lahat sobrang dami. pero eventually i have to let go of some kasi wala na akong cash. buti na lang hindi ganun karami yung na-withdraw ko kundi!! patay-patay ako!!! hay grabecious na ito. naaadik na ako!! lam mo ba, pag pumapasok ako sa bookstore, hindi ako umuuwing empty-handed. lagi-lagi akong bumibili talaga.

kasi ba naman, iba na ang pananaw ko sa pera dito. basta below 10,000won, mura na sakin which is actually P500! mahal noh pag converted pero ayun... mura na yun dito. di tulad sa pinas nao-overwhelm nako sa P200! hahaha!!

getting to know my shit

2006-05-24T11:02:00.000+08:00

Korean Literature.

I know I made one shitty paper. I, myself, wasn't a bit satisfied but I felt, then, that I couldn't do anything more.

The paper went back and I was criticized like never before. Not even Ferlo did that. My papers didn't go back with all sorts of comments and criticism (except for a "masyadong sexist ang language mo!). The grade spoke for itself and I shrugged at those marks, high or not. Sometimes, I read my papers over and over again to see just how I got a certain grade. What did he like? What he didn't?

But the paper, the one simple reaction paper that I did went back---murdered. It was kind of comforting that the comments didn't go in red or else it would really look so bloody, almost pitiful. It didn't only have in-text comments but my professor even included a separate paper with more comments, implying that I'm not creative enough and that I needed to read more closely. He said that I need not extract a moral from a literary piece. Shit, I've been doing that for years and no one told me that I wasn't supposed to do that?!

I am not bitter. In fact, I'm more of grateful for it. I felt happy to be criticized. I felt happy, knowing what sorts of mistakes I did. I felt happy, learning. And I'm even happier that despite the homicide, I still got a 7/10.

The thing is, I wish I knew how I got my grades and how to maintain or improve them. My professors in UST aren't patient enough to do that, put comments, suggestions and even correct grammar and punctuation. I don't learn from the numbers marked at the upper corners of my papers.

Tapos magrereklamo ang mga profs na despite,us, writing over and over again, despite our 3 years in Literature, we still commit the same simple mistakes. But heck, we don't even know where we went wrong, that's why we keep doing them. Para ba 'tong 'Mastermind'? Super trial and error ba 'to hanggang sa maka-jackpot? What if it's too late? What if we run out of chances?

Ferlo is rude. I learned from him but I think I can learn more. The criticism I got from my Korean class was not, in any way, rude but I understood well. I may not be able to do exactly what he want to get from me in my next paper but I guess I have to try again next time until I get it right.

50 first dates

2006-05-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

shit. why does every damn movie want to make me cry? and why do i want to watch them anyway?

where is the man who will make me fall in love everyday?

but man, that's the ending that i would want. no deus ex machina where Lucy regains memory miraculously. just a pretty good compromise.

so, where's the man that i've been looking for?

pop-up line: "Can I wish that I have Goldfield syndrome so I can forget tomorrow that you dumped me?"

haha! anyway, i wouldn't wish it myself.i may use for a fanfic though. ^_^

wanting to go home... or not?

2006-05-22T16:05:00.000+08:00

haaayy... lam mo ba sobrang pagod ko last week. bukod sa whole day food fest, wherein lagi akong nakatayo, mejo natataranta sa mga bumibili (lalo na kapag ang mga kasama ko ay nakikipag-sosyalan sa mga pwends nilang dumayo at dahil wala naman akong 'pwends', sino pa ba ang maiiwan?), at one of day boys na taga-buhat ng mga kahon ng coconut juice at ilan pang kahon, naghanap pako ng shoes and pants para sa dress code sa JSA nung thursday. di pako nakapasok nun ha kasi may mga ginawa pako tapos ayun bangag kaya nung na-realize ko na super late nako sa klase, di nako pumasok. nagpunta nalang ako dongdaemun para nga maghanap. endless lakad.

nag-JSA pa nung Friday. hindi naman pala nag-check ng dress code. bwsit tlg yun. tapos dun naman pinatay ang paa ko sa kalalakad habang alam kong pinapaltos na ang paa ko. damn.damn.damn. may makulit pang bangladeshi na bukod sa madaldal eh pinipilit pakong lumakad ng mabilis eh masakit nga paa ko noh!! sapatusin ko sha eh!

tapos ayun kahapon naman, parang feeling ko nilibot namin ang seoul. from up north to down south ang trip. matapos magsimba, pumunta kami sa bookstore kung saan naman namili na naman ako ng 2 libro. tapos sakay ng subway para pumunta sa may stadium kung saan bumili lang ng international phonecard si marian or 10 minutes. sakay ulit ng subway to up north para mag shopping ng pasalubong sa Insa-dong. hehe... saya! lakad na naman. pagod na kami at ang bibigat ng dala namin pero sakay ulit kami ng subway to down south sa COEX para pumunta sa isa pang bookstore kasi gusto kong bumili ng 'The Tale of Genji'. pero naubos ang pera ko sa Insa-dong kaya di ko nabilli. pero bumili pa rin ako ng isang libro. nyehehe...

pagod nako by 6pm pero ayoko pa umuwi para lang salubungin na naman ng pag-iisa. after namin mag-dinner ni marian sa cafeteria dito sa may dorm, punta kami sa may isa pang canteen, para kumain sana ng ice cream. pero nakita namin yung kaibigan naming bangladeshi tsaka isang pinoy kaya ayun. nag-bilyar kami. kahit hindi kami marunong ni marian, cge lang. bahala na. by 11, naramdaman kong sinusukuan nako ng binti ko. pero umuwi kami 12 na.
kaya yun. knock-out hanggang 1pm ngayong hapon. ngayon lang ako nagka-matinong tulog since last week.

pagod ka na. pagod na pagod ka na kaya ayaw mo ng gumalaw. ayaw mo ng tumayo, lumakad at kumain. ayaw mo na rin mag-isip. ang totoo, matagal ka ng tumigil sa pag-iisip kaya nga medyo nasasanay ka na. ang di mo alam, kailangan mong mag-isip.

pero pagod ka na. napagod ka na sa paglalakad sa landas na pinaniwalaan mong tama pero hindi naman pala. tumingin ka sa likod pero nakita mong malayo na ang nalakbay mo at mukhang imposible nang bumalik. umupo ka. pagod. kailangan mong mag-isip ng paraan kung paano ka babalik sa tamang landas.

pero dahil nga pagod ka na at masakit na ang paa mong puro paltos dahil sa maliit mong sapatos, umupo ka nalang. tumunganga. di mo alam ang gagawin mo. gusto mong umiyak pero hindi mo magawa. tumingala ka at nakita mong may mga cherry blossoms sa tabi. kaya inaliw mo nalang ang sarili mo. kinalimutan mong nawawala ka. kinalimutan mong may sugatan kang paa. kinalimutan mo ang mga bagay na dapat mong gawin. sa halip ay nagpakaaliw ka sa cherry blossoms na ngayon mo lang nakita sa buhay mo.

pero nalaman mo rin na sa tagal ng paghihintay ng mga tao sa pamumukadkad ng cherry blossoms, ay sumisibol lamang ito sa loob ng ilang linggo. pinanood mo kung paano tangayin ng hangin ang mga bulaklak sa isang dramatikong paraan na inakala mong sa telebisyon mo lamang mapapanood. matapos ay nakita mong wala na ang mga bulaklak. inubos na ng hangin. gayunpaman, nasisiyahan ka parin sa lilim na nilikha ng mga malalagong dahon na pumalit sa magagandang bulaklak.

kaya nakaupo ka parin hanggang ngayon.

kahit alam mong bukas, kailangan mo ng bumalik.

dahil bukas ay panahon na ng taglamig, at kung di ka aalis sa iyong pagkakaupo sa liliman, lalamunin ka ng malamig na niyebe at maninigas kang yakap ang punong wala na ni bulaklak o dahon.

pero hindi pa nga ba panahon ng niyebe sa kaibuturan ng iyong puso? hindi pa ba naninigas ang puso mong nakakapit sa mga alaalang masasaya at pantasyang pantasya lamang?

matatapos na ang panahon ng tag-sibol. magsisimula na ang tag-init na susundan pa ng tag-lagas bago ang tag-lamig. hindi pa naman huli ang lahat. kailangan mo ng mag-isip ng susunod mong hakbang. sarado na ang daan sa harap mo't wala ka na ring babalikan. kailangan mong maghanap ng panibagong daan.

kailangan mo ng bumalik sa realidad. gaano man ito kalupit.

kailangan mo ng magbayad para sa panonood ng magandang palabas ng cherry blossoms.

dahil sa buhay na ito, walang libre.

grow old with you

2006-05-20T15:22:00.000+08:00

I wanna make you smile,
whenever you're sad.
Carry you around
when your arthritis is bad.
Oh, all i wanna do,
is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine
when your tummy aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh, it could be so nice,
growin' old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold,
need you, feed you.
I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink,
put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.

Oh I could be the man
who grows old with you.

I wanna grow old with you...

hey guys! oo, kayong lahat na mga matatapat na kaibigan ko sa mundong ito. kayong walang sawang nagt-tiyaga sa tae na to. sana habambuhay niyo ko pagtiyagaan. uy forever na to!!! yipeee! usapan yan ha! haha! haaayy... tangena videoke tayo!!!!

yun lang. i just want to grow old with you.

10 years na kami ni Precious sa June!!!! that calls for a celebration! may 2 years pa kami ni set ano? tapos 7 years pa ni karen, 8 years pa ni ana at 7 years rin ni sheri. saya naman. kaya naman yon dba? yikeee!! excited naman ako!

love stinks. sabi sa "the wedding singer". ang galing no? ngayon ko lang napanood yon eh. hehehe... ang bano ko talga. as in ngayon lang ha?

ang sweet.... sobra... naiiyak nga ko buong movie. as in ha? yuck mushyness!! pero yun di pako nakakaiyak. di pa ko naiiyak! woohooo!! ang sweet kasi nung movie eh. tsaka magaling si drew. ayun. at ang galing kumanta ni adam sandler. haaayy...

nasabi ko na diba? i want somebody to sing for me. sing for me!!

tapos gusto ko pa nga marunong mag piano eh. para turuan niya ko! hehe... ang dreamy ng piano sobra. o di kaya violin. pero pwede na gitara. para turuan niya rin ako.

ayun... ana, kakantahan kita pagbalik ko. hehe... yung theme song natin!

uy pres, anong request mo? kakantahan rin kita! kayong lahat! tiis tiis na nga lang kayo. hehe...

tapos na ang kanta

2006-05-18T18:17:00.000+08:00

Just Like A Splendid Love Song
Orange and Lemons

Spending my days with you
Is like living in a world of fancy
With all the beautiful people i know
Makin' love in a world
Of vivid colours
How often have I been there
Well it really doesn't matter
As long as we're together

You and me together we will journey
To seek and see the colours
Of our fantasies
Come to life with the stroke
Of your soothing hands
All the questions in life
I will come to understand

Seasons come
And seasons go
Stars will shine
And lose their glow
But everytime I try to look back
I know...
You and me in love with each other

There will be no problems
That will bother
Just the two of us
Painting a world of our own
Everything is perfect
Just like a splendid love song

it's over

2006-05-18T08:52:00.000+08:00

horoscope for the day:

This is an amazingly good time for you to be forging new relationships, dear Cancer. Try to be open-minded if someone close to you approaches you with a proposal. Certainly you will need to do your homework and examine all the potential risks, but this is a fine period in which to pursue something new; success and good fortune are clearly on their way for you. Keep your eyes and ears open for opportunities. Don't be surprised if you hear some important news from your love interest.

wow. galeng. tama yung last sentence. as in! 2 pa. steg... mabuhay ang archetypes!

so sana pati yung ibang hula totoo rin. sana hindi lang kay Sheri nagkakatotoo yung mga horoscopes kasi diba zodiac sign ko rin naman yon?! hahaha!!

oh well, sana ma-burn ko na tong mga gusto kong i-burn at sana makabili nako ng sapatos once and for all! siyet na malagket naman o. bibili pa pla ako ng pants. no ba yan. wala na nga akong pera eh. lam niyo di ko alam san nagpunta pera ko. as in nag-withdraw ako ng pera tapos hindi ko naman masyadong ginagastos kasi nga bibili ako ng sapatos. tapos pagtingin ko sa wallet ko parang umonti pera ko kahit di ko naman ginastos. ah ewan! memory gap ba o may kumukuha sa wallet ko?! anakngmais naman o!

so ano. food fest. tapos na ang food fest. saya nga eh. pero im so dead tired ha. ala pakong matinong tulog. bawi nalang sa sabado. buti sana kung pumapayat ako sa pagod db? pero hindi eh!! haha! tumaba pa yta ako dhil ang daming pagkain don. tapos kinakain ko pa yung niluluto ko. bwehehehe.... baboy!

ang saya nga eh kasi yung mga malaysian nagtinda ng taho! saya kasi na-miss ko tlg yung taho. sayang wala lang sago. pero masarap. katulad tlg nung satin. kaka-miss!!!

mejo sad nga lang kasi di ko natikman lahat ng gusto kong tikman. walang budget. ahehe... gusto ko nga bilhin lahat eh.

uy ang weird ng turkish ice cream. malagkit. hehe... di gaanong matamis pero ayos naman. tsaka mejo matino yung curry na nasa loob ng magandang tinapay. ay sayang sana pinicturan ko!

ayun tapos sumakay ako ng hotair balloon!! di gaanong mataas pero masaya parin! gusto ko nga yung as in lumilipad tlg. kelan ko kaya mararanasan yon? sabi ni pres bumili raw ako. magkano ba yon? naalala ko tuloy yung MTV ni Lee Jun-ki--crush kong artista, hehe. nilagyan nila ng blindfold yung girl tapos pagbukas ng mata niya nasa hot air balloon na siya kasama si Lee Jun-ki! ahahahay! sana ako nalang yon.

na-miss ko nga kayo dun eh. sigurado at first sight palang hihilahin niyo nako para pumila at makasakay dun. wow, i can really imagine kung gano kayo ka-excited. lalo na si Ana at Pres. at hindi palalagpasin ni Suzette kasi dream niya raw yun bago mamatay.

uy set, teka lang, kelan ba tayo pupuntang Japan? lam mo kung hindi pako aalis sa june, makakapunta na sana ako sa Japan. yung isang Filipino kasi dito may kilala sha sa Japan tsaka nakapunta na sha don. punta raw sa June after ng sem. gusto ko makakita ng geisha eh tapos sa Kyoto gusto ko magpunta. maganda raw dun eh. May golden palace.

haayy.... dreams. frustrations.

andami.

so ano? ayun... yoko na ngang bumalik sa pinas eh. as i've said, nagp-pile na ang mga problema ko. wala pakong thesis. sigurado sobrang mahirap pagdating ko. as in! sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko.

sabi ng mga Koreans, ang number 9 ay malas. kaya malas ka sa mga taong may 9 sa edad mo. so ayun. I'm 19 years old. I can't say na naging malas ako. In fact, i experienced so many things na sa tanan ng buhay ko hindi ko na-imagine na mararanasan ko. i got what i asked for. galeng. steg db? pero malaki rin naman ang naging kabayaran ng mga yun.

minsan, di ko alam. ano ba ang mas masaya, yung mabuhay ng simple at masaya, o yung dynamic at maraming problema? san ako, sa dati kong boring na buhay o sa nararanasan ko ngayon?

masarap din sa dati. less complications. pero boring.

so i'd rather choose now. ewan. cguro marami kasi akong natutunan. marami parin ang gumugulo sa isip ko tulad ng anong gagawin ko sa buhay ko? may mga sagot nako jan. pero marami. marami pa ring "if's". pero at least may linaw na. alam ko na ang susi sa tagumpay ko ay "sipag" na unfortunately, wala ako. haha! san ba nakakabili non?

nung minsang naghihintay kami ng subway papunta sa gimikan, nagp-practice mag-korean ang classmate kong Thai at marami siyang mali. kinokorek siya tuloy nung magaling na Japanese. sabi ni Yun, "you always make mistakes." sabi ni Nuantip, "it's okay. if you don't make mistakes, you will not learn."

marami na akong nagawang pagkakamali. mga katangahan. kabobohan. marami na rin akong sinayang na oras na ginugol ko sa pagmumukmok. pero wala pa rin akong pinagsisisihan. siguro naisip ko dito na hindi bawal ang maging tanga. o maging bobo. hindi bawal ang magkamali. kasi kung di tayo magkakamali, di tayo matututo. minsan, paulit-ulit na ang nagagawa nating pagkakamali. eh ganun talaga eh. sabi ni set, "minsan, ika'y tanga" pero ayos lang din kung palagi tayong tanga. nasa sa atin naman yon kung masokista talaga tayo at gusto nating masaktan. hehe...

tulad niyan. alam ko yan. pero takot pa rin akong magkamali. yon siguro ang pumigil sa paglago ko bilang tao. mula nung grade 2 ako, natakot akong magkamali at mapahiya. hindi nalang ako nagsasalita, o gumagalaw. wala ring nangyari sa buhay ko. kaya ganun.

grabe noh? ngayon ko lang yun naisip. pero siguro minsan sa mga nagdaang taon, naisip ko na rin yun. pero nagpakatanga lang ako at hindi ko sinunod ang sarili kong payo.

sa pagtira ko dito, siguro mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko ng konti. di tulad dati na adik ako sa personality tests kasi gusto kong sabihin nila sakin kung sino ako. kahit papano, mejo alam ko na kung anong gusto ko. kahit hirap parin akong magdesisyon kung anong kakainin ko.

tulad ngayon. gusto kong magvideoke. kailangan ko kayo guys!! wohooo!! alam kong hindi niyo ko itatakwil kapag nalaman niyong kaya kong magdala ng bagyo sa pagkanta ko. haha! oi kilala niyo bako? alam niyo ba ibig sabihin non?

ang daldal ko naman ngayon.

uy lam niyo nakalimutan ko na yung spanish ko. pati nga english eh. ewan ko ba. pumupurol ako sobra. tapos kahapon nalaman kong na-miss ko na ang pagbabasa. inupakan ko yung diyaryo kahapon. wow. nagbabasa nako ng dyaryo. desperado? pero hinde... dati ko pang ginawang resolusyon ang pagbabasa ng diyaryo para lumawak ang aking kaalaman at hindi ako maging uber tanga (at malaman ko na rin na taga Poland pala si Juan Paolo Segundo). ayun wala lang oras pero try ko ulit ibalik yun. tapos nung tuesday natakot ako kasi sinubukan ko gumawa ng prose. aba! nakngkamatis! unang sentence palang hindi ko na magawa. di tulad dati na mejo madali lang sakin gumawa ng fanfic kahit one-shot. di ko lang ginagawa kasi walang matinong plot. pero ngayon marami akong plot at kailangan ko na talagang magsulat. pero wala ng skills! siyet! di bale susubukan ko ulet. baka antok lang ako nung tuesday.

marami akong naiisip gawin, gusto kong gawin, plano kong gawin pero di ko alam kung pano gagawin. pero unti-unti, as much as possible, i try to make my plans work. tulad ng nakuha ko contacts ni ms.kim at may pic na kami together. may pic pako ni yamashita at minsu. may pic pa kami together ni Yuu! hehe... babaw. pero ganun tlg. simula tayo sa kababawan. basta andun na yung habit of making things work. pwede na yun. kaya dapat:

1. masulat nako
2. basahin ko na ang TRN ko at i-criticize na. ay syet. kelangan ko pa ba ng approval ni ferlo??
3. magbasa. tapusin ang Kafka on the Shore ni Haruki Murakami.
4. ipagpatuloy ang pagp-practice ng korean para hindi mapurol lalo ang purol na.
5. bumili na ng sapatos at pants mamaya!
6. magtipid. dahil may nagpapalibre.
7. pumunta sa Jongno-(3)ga para maghanap ng drum accessories ni Gelo.
8. hanapin ang filipino resto sa apgeujong para malaman ang pagkain at presyo.
9. maglaba. wala nakong damit.
10. magsulat.magtipid.

ayan...

so pano? magpapakatanga pa ba ako? oo naman. hehehe...

presenting...

2006-05-12T13:30:00.000+08:00

makapal na ang mukha ko ngayon kaya may picture nako with the people na masayang tingnan sa language institute. nga pala... graduation namin ngayon. ^_^

extra lang yung may chopsticks. si Minsu yang katabi ko, yung taga-ecuador. a year younger yata siya sakin pero may boses na pang 15 years old. he speaks spanish. crush ko ang pambatang boses niya na parang laging iiyak.

Yang mukhang matanda na nakaupo ay si Yamashita. Japanese. i really find him cute. hehe... la lang. alam mo yung cute na matanda? ewan kung ilang taon na siya pero working na... at may girlfriend. sila ang sinasabi kong pupunta yata sa Cebu this year. maraming pera. responsableng presidente ng class nila. thoughtful. hehe... basta!!

ayan. kelan lang, i find him cute pala. hehe... si Takahasi Yuu, Japanese kong classmate din. siya yung nanlibre sakin ng kape kahapon before exams. hehehe... ^_^ mabait yan sobra. 22 years old na siya. sabi ko nga sa kanya kuya ko siya eh. hehe.. tinulungan niya ko minsan sa assignment ko kaya perfect ako! may iba pa nga akong pics niyan eh. hehe.. teka..

ayan stolen shot habang naglalaro sila ng pseudo-soccer sa harap ng language institute. ^_^

ayan may pic nako with Ms.Kim!!! Yay!! Ang saya-saya! tapos di ko na kinailangan pang maghirap pagkuha ng contacts niya kasi siya na nauna nagsabi na tawagan at email raw namin siya. kaya nakuha ko na number at email niya!! yey!! (meron nakong contacts ni Yuu. shempre classmate) hang cute niya noh? la lang... na-late nga siya kaya di niya kami napanood kumanta ng "Arirang". Ang galing nga eh kasi siya lang ata yung teacher na kumukuha rin ng picture sa cellphone niya. yung ibang teacher kasi pumo-pose lang eh. haha! may picture kami with Marian sa cellphone niya nung nag tea ceremony.

dito naman nakisingit lang ako sa picture ng classmate ko kaya si Ms. Park lang ang nakatingin sakin. hehe... Mrs. na yan at may anak pero maganda rin ano? Ang ganda kaya niya lalo na ngayong araw na to. sobra nga ang bati namin sa kanya na ang pretty niya ngayon. on ordinary days maganda rin siya pero mukha matanda minsan dahil sa glasses niya at hairstyle na mejo magulo. hehe... sabi ko sa kanya kahapon bagay sa kanya ang kulay yellow.

class pic with Mrs. Kim! ang sobrang bait na mother-figure teacher namin. lagi siyang maraming advice. Gustung-gusto niya magpunta sa Cebu. Nung speaking test namin sabi niya sakin napanood daw niya sa tv na mahilig kumanta ang mga pinoy.

lahat ng teachers binigyan ko ng class pictures namin. tig-3 sila except kay Mrs.Kim kasi nawawala yung isa eh. hehe... may frame pa! Si Ms.Kim binigyan ko rin ng blue scarf kasi i think blue compliments her well. si Mrs.Kim binigyan ko ng brochures ng Philippines para super maengganyo na siyang pumunta sa Pinas. May letter pa yung 2. La lng... di naman ako nagbibigay ng walang letter. Kay Ms.Park naman kasi naging busy ako kaya yung frame nalang at pics. hehe... tapos si Marian binigyan niya ng copy si Ms.Kim nung pic nilang 2 tapos may card. may dedication pa from the both of us at sinigurado ko na na korean na yung letter. pero naku mali na naman yata yung grammar at translation ko ng smile. hay naku naman!! pero di bale bawi nalang next time.

hindi ako ok kanina. sobrang sad kaya ako... sabi ko naman senyo hindi talaga ako aabot eh... ang sad kaya... basta sobrang na-sad ako. yung mga classmates ko nga may certificate of excellence tapos ako transcript lang. may box ng ballpen pa sila. tapos as in last ako. lam mo yung feeling ng last? tapos ayos na nga eh, gusto ko na lang ma-sad ng tahimik tapos kino-console pako nina Ms. Kim at Mrs.Kim kanina kasi raw late ako pumasok kaya Incomplete ako. Incomplete na naman! anaknampotah!! puro incomplete ang grade. my life is so incomplete. grabe noh? hindi ako matakasan ng incompleteness. pinapamukha talaga sakin: incomplete ka! incomplete ka! tangena.

sabi ng mababait kong guro, bumawi nalang ako sa next level. ang problema, no next level for me. uuwi nako.

....

ang sad di ko na sila makikita.

a story told the second time is not as fun as the first one

2006-05-11T13:21:00.000+08:00

lam mo ba di ko ako sobrang nakapagaral para sa written test ko kanina sa korean! kasi kagabi nag-cram ako sa report ko sa literature tungkol sa short story. parang ferlo style? tapos inabandon ako ng 2 groupmates ko. kaya ayun. ngarag.

pagpasok ko sa classroom kanina, in state of semi-panic ako. di ko alam kung anong gagawin ko sa exam. siyempre ano pa nga ba ang gagawin ng isang thomasian? right, nagdasal nalang ako. hehehe... ayun, panic ako first question palang. di ko maalala yung grammar rule for that certain question. sa tulong ng kape na nilibre sakin ng cute kong japanese classmate, nasagutan ko na yung mga sumunod na tanong. pero grabe talaga. nabigla ako nung sinabi nung teacher na 5 minutes nalang eh kasi may hindi pako nasasagutang test tapos may part pa na draft palang nasulat ko. haay! grabecious!! nakita nga nung teacher na nagulat ako eh. hehehe...

3 parts yung exam eh. yung sumunod na exam naman, listening exam! (writing yung una) naku hindi ko na-gets yung instruction nung una kaya nag-panic na naman ako't nanghula nalang. as in hula! lam mo after nung exam, sumakit talaga ulo ko. di pa naman ako masyadong nakatulog. alam mo yung feeling ko na-strain masyado yung utak ko at will power sa pagsusumikap na maintindihan yung korean na salita. para kasi yung reading comprehension pero pinapakinggan lang. haay!

tapos yung huli reading test naman. alam mo pagmamalaki ko sayo na na-perfect ko ang reading test ko nung midterms! hehe... pero ang hirap niya ngayon in peyrness. nagtagal ako dun sa mahabang reading comprehension sa likod. ang hahaba kasi ng sentences tapos parang di ko alam yung ibang words. nyok! pero talagang piniga ko utak ko kaya hopefully tama naman yung pagkakaintindi ko sa kanya. wehehehe...

tapos ayon! ayon! ayon! grabe yung lit report ko. as in!! kung panic ako sa finals, mas panic ako dun!! as in shit!shit!shit! ganun talaga. biruin mo magrereport ako sa harap ng semi-strangers in straight english!! pero wala. kahit kelan bano talaga ako. gusto ko na ngang umiyak eh. lam mo yun i feel so desperate na talaga. gusto na nga kitang tawagin kasi alam kong mas masasabi mo yung gusto kong sabihin. lam mo yun, alam ko yung gusto kong sabihin pero di ko ma-explain? tapos di ko pa masyadong naayos yung outline nung report kaya sobrang sabog tapos... tapos... tapos yung itsura pa nung teacher parang alam mo ng sobrang mali ka na. waahhh!! pero wala akong magawa kasi hindi ko talaga masyadong ma-explain yung gusto ko sabihin. buti kahit papano may konting hinanda yung partner ko. at least hindi ako mag-isa sa pagmumukhang tanga.

hayun... at least tomorrow grad na!! ime-memorize ko pa yung Arirang. pero ang mas malaking dilemma ay......

anong susuot ko?!?!

naks. ako? namomroblema ng isusuot? ako ba yun? hehe... gusto ko ng bagong shoes!! dapat bibili ako ng damit kaya lang di ako nakalabas ngayong week na to eh. waahh! ang baboy ko na!!!

ayun... hehe...

oh well...

2006-05-09T17:57:00.000+08:00

uyy... life is trying and testing my endurance... nice naman.

pano ba ko mag-aaral?! speaking test na bukas at 4th ako!! namen! ewan sige para matapos na rin. pero pano ko ba maaalala ang more than 500 words na tinuro? yun minsan ang problema ko eh, vocabulary, kahit kelan. ang hina ko talaga!! ang daming aaralin. pero mejo gets ko na naman na yung iba. siguro masasabi kong listening (and understanding) talaga ang problema ko. kung maiintindihan ko muna yung tanong sakin siguro masasagot ko naman yon ng tama.

at sana wag akong kabahan!
pag kinakabahan ako parang mga tindera ng pirated dvds na na-raid ang grammar at vocabulary ko. nagtatakbuhan lahat sila at iniiwan akong nakatanga. nahuhuli tuloy ako ng kahihiyan.

goodluck!goodluck!goodluck!

------------------------------------
uy anubayun. kamusta na kaya si ana? may sakit daw siya at di pa yata nakakapag-computer. magaling na kaya yon?

uy set, kapag nagkapera ako't nakabili ako ng call card, tatawagan kita. pramis! miss you sooooo much!!!! pa-hug nga! oist, inuman tayo pagbalik ko ha?! oi pres sama ka ha??? miss ko na ang mga tawanan natin. pero set, mas interesado ako sa kinaka-sad mo. ahehe... diba umiiyak ka pagnalalasing?! ahehehehe.... try natin kung iyakin din si pres kung malalasing. ako kaya? hehe... plano talagang maglasing anoh? de.. inuman lang. walang lasingan. unless.......

gloomy day

2006-05-08T15:34:00.000+08:00

ang taas ng araw at ang init! feeling ko nasa Pinas ako. naisip ko tuloy kung mainit rito, para sigurong nililitson ang mga nasa Pinas. tsktsk...

di ko alam pero parang may kanya-kanyang problema ang mga tao na pinipilit nilang itago. pero kitang-kita naman sa mga mata't malulungkot na ngiti nila ang totoo nilang nararamdaman.

pati ang cherry blossom ay may matamlay na ngiti.

haaayy... ang sad... super sad.... nasa-sad ako....

tara na nga lang at managinip ng isang lugar kung saan matutupad ang ating mga pangarap at pantasya.

i hate guys

2006-05-08T15:17:00.000+08:00

Friday.

muntik nakong maiyak dahil nalaman ko na walang kwenta yang mga lalaking yang napakahilig at kapal ng mukhang mambabae kahit may asawa na! paulit-ulit na lang yang excuses nila na "man is polygamous by nature" at yang "naging mahina ako". kung yan ang premise ng mga lalaki, malamang nga mambabae sila. ah ewan. yoko na sa kanila. mga hayop sila. mga likas na babaero! napakadaling bumigay. konting kibot lang. nalayo lang sa asawa nila, nagpunta lang sa ibang bansa, naghanap na agad ng makaka-sex nila. mga anaknampotah! wag na nga sila. yoko na.

yoko na.

bahala na.

Saturday

nag-open up si Bangladeshi guy Sumon (not Suman daw) na heartbroken.

ayun naman. ang mga lalaki talaga gusto nila na lagi silang may 'say' at ayaw nila na pinangungunahan sila. if they want time, you have to give them time. if they have other priorities, you have to let them do their priorities or else mapipilitan silang mamili at malas ka kapag hindi ikaw ang pinili nila. ouch. sakit anoh? lalo na kapag talaga mas mahal mo yung guy kesa mahal ka ng guy. yun yun eh. naku kaya pipili kayo ng guy na mas mahal kayo several times more than you love him. hay grabe talaga. ang ego ng mga lalaki kakaiba talaga.

tragic sila.

ayokong mag arab dance!!

2006-05-08T14:42:00.000+08:00

korea forced me to dance.
once.twice. don't know why.

nung wednesday, nagpunta kami sa arab restaurant. na-curious kasi kaming magkakaklase sa infamous arab 식당 na laging pinupuntahan ng aming arab classmate. na-miss ko ang kanin ah... ehehe... masarap naman. maliit lang yung place pero maganda ang ambience. yellow light, wooden floors, isang malaking table... parang sa bahay lang. ayos ang food except yung curry na talaga naman. ayoko nung klase ng curry na parang hopia ang dating. eww.. sana nalaman ko agad na curry yun. hayop din sa sounds.

tapos tinuruan kami ng arab dance.

ayos lang... mahirap ang footsteps nung classmate ko kaya tinuruan na lang kami ng ibang step nung may-ari. masaya!! saya namin kasi sabay-sabay kami sumayaw. yoko nga eh kasi nagpipicture ako pero ang hindi sumayaw, hindi masaya. haha! ayon. ganda naman ng sounds eh... yabababa-yabababa-yabababa.... ahahaha!!!

tapos.

ang pervert nung may-ari.

pinagse-sexy dance kami?

nung una sabi lang niya, yung kayang magbelly dance, libre na raw. pero she has to strip her top. shempre walang may gusto diba?! tapos sinayaw niya yung mongolian na magaling sumayaw tsaka yung chinese classmate namin na si yamei. nasayaw niya rin ako pero parang tipong ballroom lang yon.

tapos habang sumasayaw yung iba, nagv-video ako. nakunan ko sa video nung hinawakan nung may-aring perv yung pwet ng Thai classmate ko. sayang di ko dala camera ko ngayon para ma-upload ko yung video. papakita ko senyo next time. grabe! tapos nun nagform ng circle tapos pinags-slow sexy dance niya lahat ng babae. siyempre ayaw namin pero wala, tulakan sa gitna (pagnagkakatulakan na kami sa gitna ng bilog, wala kang magagawa. kailangan mong sumayaw!). so malamang ang tanong mo, "sumayaw ka ba?" hulaan mo.

tapos nun, nagkatawanan kami nung mga japanese. sabi ko kasi hentai yung may-ari. hindi yata nila in-expect na alam ko yung term na yun kaya nagulat yung isa tapos tinanong kung bakit alam ko raw tapos sino ang nagturo sakin. hehehehe..... ayun naging joke na namin yun, hentai ajoshi...

hindi naman perv mga classmates kong lalaki pero hindi naman sila santo. wala namang umangal pero wala namang eager na eager. hehe.. sabi nung may-ari, "the girls here? you're no fun! except that girl (referring to the mongolian na magaling sumayaw)" pano gusto niya gawin namin yung ginagawa niya na hinahawakan yung nipples. kadiri talaga yon.

sana kasi sumama samen si ms.kim eh... edi sana may bumatok sa DOM na yun! pramis! itsura pa lang DOM na talaga. post ko pic next time.

pero sa tuwa ng classmates ko sa Arab dance (yabababa, yababa-yababa), nag-volunteer sila na mag-arab dance sa graduation bukod pa sa pagkanta ng arirang! nasabi ko na ba yon? aaahh! pero saya, meron kaming class presentation di tulad ng iba. ^_^ go Na-ban!!

pathetic fallacy

2006-05-06T11:52:00.000+08:00

nagising ako sa ibang kama, sa ibang kwarto.
nagsama-sama ang mga malulungkot sa buhay kaya't nagpa-morningan kami dito.
sayang walang alak.
haha! jokes.

kaya hindi pako naliligo,
di ko pa hinuhubad ang damit kong namantsahan ng bulgogi sauce ata.

magdamag umulan at umuulan pa rin
kaya tulog sila
at ako hindi

masaya lang damayan ang ulan

umuulan.

at umuulit sa utak ko ang kantang "Ulan"
kaya kailangan ko nalang lunurin ang tenga ko sa ost ng Full House
ganda pala noh?
magb-burn nga ako ng OST nito

may 6 na ngayon.
wala lang.

dapat ba akong magsaya
o malungkot?

pero dapat masaya
dapat masaya
at ngumiti
dahil may dahilang sumaya
dahil masaya
oo nga masaya nga.

gumuguhit ang patak ng ulan
sa salaming bintana.

kantahan mo naman ako... pu-lis?

2006-05-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

kantahan niyo naman ako... la lang... hehe... ang cute lang. yikee! mushyness! yikkeeee!! la lang, sana may kumanta saken. ang cute eh... ay nasabi ko na ba yon? ang sweet lang. hehe...

pinanood ko lang yung singing scenes uli dun sa lovers in paris. nung nag-piano si Park tapos kumanta rin yung si... si... nakalimutan ko korean name niya. si Vivian. ang cute anoh? aww...

gusto ko lang talagang kinakantahan ako.

when i come back, will you sing me to sleep?

pati ba naman sa panaginip!

2006-05-06T00:34:00.000+08:00

napanaginipan ko sabi niya:

"di na raw kita mahal sabi ni Diana"

sino kaya si Diana?!?! kung sino man siya putangena niya. haha!

tapos may mga taong gustong magkulong sa kanya dahil daw sa "neglect" sa negosyo which is supermarket. at napanaginipan kong hawak ko yung kamay niya ng mahigpit. parang totoo. parang sobrang totoo. grabe parang sobrang totoo. at kahit kaibigan lang ang role ko dun sa dream, nag-ala lawyer ako dun at kinuwestiyon ko yung maraming laywers na against sa kanya. "anong grounds niyo for neglect? nasan ang statistics? dapat may statisctics kayo!" tapos may sinabi sila eh pero binara ko parin sila. haha! ewan ko ba kung san galing yun...

in reply

2006-05-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

la lng... hehe

"onga. be happy ang smile alwayz pero not to the point na mukha ka nang baliw okeyz?^_^ haha may nagsabi sakin na ako raw yun, haha baliw."

ay alam niyo ba, nagawa ko na to eh. sa classroom kasi kinikilig ako tapos the whole time, nakangiti ako. hindi yong normal na ngiti ha. as in grin... ayun. haha! tapos nahuli pako ng teacher ko na naka-grin na mejo spaced out pa (daydreaming). kaya tinanong niya ako kung naintindihan ko raw ba yung sinabi niya. hahahahaha!!! ayun basta nung araw na yon sa school sobrang hindi ko lang mapigilan yung ngiti ko. harhar! bangag.

"tulog ka pa....
malay mo, bukas paggising mo, uuwi ka na...
gusto mo pa ba umuwi? gusto mo pa ba yung babalikan mo?"

alam mo, minsan di ko alam. takot akong pagbalik ko, wala na pala akong babalikan. buti nga yung nandito ako, pwede kong lokohin ang sarili ko sa kung anong pantasya ang gusto kong isipin. hehe... drama. mushyness!! weh!! hindi... siyempre gusto ko ng bumalik anoh!! miss ko na kayong lahat!!! May na nga anoh... malapit na rin akong umuwi. ilang tulog pa... sana di pa masyadong ubos ang brain cells ko paguwi kasi kailangan ko sila paggawa ng thesis. ahehehe...

"....anyway astig naman ng mga thoughts mo,hehe pwedeng pang fanfic! :D "

yun nga eh... ang problema, ako etong tamad.

"dupong dupong..hmm parang may tagalog word na ganun, ay nyek di pala, dugong(ung hayop na parang walrus) pala iniisip ko hehe, pero parang nakakatawa pa rin name nya,hehe lalang :D sino ba crushes mo? patingin namn! akala ko ba walang gwpo dyan? wah buti ka pa! ang cute nga ni ms. kim,nkita ko sa friendster mo. wah, nakita ko din ung inspirations mo, bkt wala kami ni pres dun? ='(( wahhhh

...daming beer dun sa isang pic ah,painom ka rin pagdating mo ah!
P.S. bakit ms. kim pa rin kung may asawa?? "

wala ngang gwapong koreano... japanese naman yung crush ko ah! hehe... at!! siyempre cute si ms. kim. mas cute kaya siya sa personal eh. somehow, she looks her age pag nasa picture pero sobrang hindi kaya sa personal. haha!! tampururos si sets... de.. nasa wallet ko naman kayo eh kaya nakikita ng mga classmates ko pag nagbubukas ako ng wallet. tapos lam mo ba nung presentation ko nga pinost ko pictures ko niyo eh tapos nakita nilang lahat! hehehehe... kay gaganda nga naman!

tinanong nga rin nung classmate ko kung bakit ms.kim ang tawag ko. sabi niya, "why ms.kim? she's married right?!" kasi po dito sa korea, napakaraming kim ang apelyido. 2 ang teacher ko na kim na may asawa kaya siyempre dapat may distinction. eh since she looks "miss" to me, edi ms.kim!

"loneliness lang yan@_@ huhuhu i feel so lonely tonight, bigyan mo nga ako ng lalake ahaha...

sana may slumber party tayo ngaun..hay mangolekta ka ng mgndang koreanovels dyan ah hehe, sabay-sabay nating panuorin:) "

haha! mangolekta ng videos ha?! ang mahal naman eh. try ko nalang bumili nung the king and the clown. nandun yung cras ko!!! wahahaha!!!

"haha at bakit mo naman gustong lumaki boobs mo?@_@ yikee may sineseduce ata...nyahaha...hay kakatapos lang ng exam, tapos 3 day break, hay anong gagawin ko? wala akong magawa, tapos crushless pa, nyeta, naiisip ko tuloy ung dati kong crush >_< hehe="">

P.S. sabihin mo sakin pag gumana ung fries^_^V teehee "

yuck! walang dahilan kung bakit gusto kong lumaki boobs ko. la lang, speculation lang... lumiliit eh.. haha! onga, ang hirap talaga ng walang crush. naalala ko dati nung wala akong crush bukod sa isang certain guy na pupunta raw ng canada na nagttrabaho na sa makati ngayon (haha!)... la lang... malungkot...

si yamashita naman... la lang, may girlfriend na yun. magbabakasyon nga raw sila sa Cebu ngayong june or july yata. hehehe... wala naman yun! masarap lang siyang tingnan. parang cute for a japanese. nga pala set, tingin ko gumagana yung fries ^_^

"hmp ako kaya nagpadala nyang flash na yan sa email nyo, tsk i feel left out, unappreciated! wah=P hmp baka naman di mo ako nabanggit ni minsan dito sa blog mo ah, *singhot* hmm pano naman ung pasalubong ko???(dapat pala comment tong pasalubong dun sa next entry mo, ehehe nakalimutan kong itayp kanina) "

oi set, hinahanap kaya kita ng pasalubong... diba sabi mo yung wala sa pinas? kaya lang... ibibili kita nung mug na may mga drawing ng kamasutra korean style. haha! ano ba gusto mo in specific?

jumal-e muos-eur haesoyo?

2006-05-01T20:39:00.000+08:00

anaknampotah!!!

aaghh! ang saket ng katawan ko ah. kasalanan to ng korean circle dance kahapon. agh! kakapagod.

teka simulan natin.

Nung sabado, nakipag-meet kami kay Mr. Gregg, taga Philippine Embassy at nilibre niya kami sa Sorente, isang Italian restaurant yata. Kumain kami ng pasta tsaka pizza. Ayos ang sarap. Libre eh. hehe... dun yun sa Itaewon (as if alam niyo kung saan yun dba? hehe). Newei, malapit yon sa Philippine Embassy. Nga pala si Mr. Gregg ay kamukha ni Sir Mabahague sa unang tingin pero kamukha talaga ni Arnel Ignacio pag matagal na. Pati ngiwi ng bibig parang si Arnel. haha! kala ko nga bading eh. mabait siya. binigyan niya kami ng isang case ng sprite in can. dapat paghahatian namin pero napagdesisyonan naming ibenta nalang para mas masaya!

Tapos nun nagpunta kami sa patahian kasi gusto ni Marian ng HanBok, ang national costume ng Korea. Gusto ko rin kaso sayang ang pera, hindi ko pa magagamit. Siguro kung marami akong pera, pwede pa for collection. Buti ko kimono yun, pwede pa. hehehe... Tagal nga magdesisyon ng color combination eh. Pero ayun natapos din.

Babalik ako dun sa Itaewon. Gusto ko bumili ng damit.

Uso ba ang heartbreaks?

La lang, break na sina ate Jeanette at ang bangladeshi guy niya. lungkot... cry cry... gagu nga yun lalaki eh. la lng... parang wala lang. gusto ko nga siya saktan eh. la lang.... gusto ko lang manakit ng tao dahil ako'y lito.

Nung gabi nanood kami ng Lord of the Rings 3. hehe... di ko pa yun napapanood eh. Isa pa, libre yun at may libreng coke and popcorn pa! San ka pa!! hehe... English naman eh tapos may korean subtitle. nalilito nga ako minsan kasi gusto ko rin mabasa yung korean.

pero habang nanonood, ako'y nagiisip. ng ibang bagay. tulad ng kung bakit dapat maghiwalay ang mga nagmamahalan.

Sunday.

Gumising ng maaga para magsimba. Maaga? haha! late nga ako eh. iniwan na nila ako at pumunta ako sa malayong simbahan mag-isa. puno na ang kapilya kaya tumayo nalang sa likuran. hindi rin ako nag-communion dahil nga lito ako at feeling ko hindi ako dapat mangomunion. la lng...

tapos kain.

tapos nore-bang! videoke!!!

kalain mo? dapat kakantahin ko ang mashokista song ko para kay ate Jeanette pero dahil nahihiya ako dahil may mga kasama kaming hindi pinoy, napilit na lang akong kumanta ni Joseph (isang kano) na magduet kami sa Heal the World ni Michael Jackson. fine. cge kanta lang. para magkaron ako ng 'I Sang a Song' certificate at makalabas sa nore-bang. ayun. survive naman kahit hindi ko naririnig ang sarili ko.

Tapos yun. Namsanggol Traditional Village kung saan kami nagpaikot-ikot, nagpatalon-talon at nagpatalon-talon at nagpaikot-ikot. sakit ng katawan ko ah. pero masaya. bikonhannde, jemi-isossoyo! hahaha!! tapos gumawa pa kami ng flag at nanood ng performance nila. nagpichur-pichur... haha! kakatawa nga eh kasi yung performer pa ang pinakiusapan naming picturan kami pagkatapos. kapal muks! haha! naglaro rin pala kami. tug-of-war tsaka sa flag. nakangiti ako pero iniisip ko, 'anong sasabihin ko? uuwi na ba ako? anong ginagawa ko?' Anong ginagawa ko? di ko alam, basta hindi ako totoong masaya. Ang awkward lang ng feeling na nagsasaya pero hindi ka talaga masaya.

tapos nanood ng parade para sa birthday ni Buddha. galing noh? sine-celebrate pala yun? Ang birthday niya pala ay May 5. kumain kami pagkatapos sa isang resto kung saan niluluto sa table namin yung pagkain. at uminom ako ng soju. one-shot! woohooo!! parang isoprophyl alcohol.

at ngayon, nakita kong ngumiti ang cherry blossom.

nobody needs to scold me

2006-04-28T19:45:00.000+08:00

... my conscience does a pretty good job at it, thank you.

sabi ni ms. kim, kaya raw magaling si Ae sa korean kasi lagi siyang nagsasalita "...많이 이야기해요" (nababasa ba sa computer niyo? on niyo yung sa language. magp-prompt naman ata). ayun, alam ko namang gets ko ang mga bagay-bagay at alam kong kaya hindi ako magaling ay dahil wala akong practice dahil (1) walang kausap (2) masyado ng malakas ang paniniwala ko na hindi ako marunong kaya busted ang buong system kapag nagsasalita na.

just this day, mukha na naman akong tanga. ahh!! i can't stop being so stupid. Nabanggit nga yung tungkol sa kuhanan ng certificate. sad ako kasi isa ako sa 2 hindi makakatanggap ng award sa section namin. and sad ko... gusto ko may award din ako eh. hehe... kaso mahirap talaga habulin yung average ko kasi mababa yung prelims. pano ba??? papa-practice ako kay kuya Arniel na super masigasig.

Return ako sa Insa-dong with Marian this time. Naaantok ako kaya di masyadong enjoy. Except bumili kami ng salted potatoes tapos strawberry shake for me! have to treat myself. Mag-spaghetti kaya ako ulet mamaya? we'll see...

ay pres! nakakita nako ng tsinelas mo!! ^_^

tapos Ana, matutuwa ka sa Insa-dong. hehe... pag may pera ako, I'll buy you everything that I think you would like.

aww... matatapos na ang korean class.... mami-miss ko silang lahat. things to do next week: (1) pictures to da max!! (2) get everyone's contact in korea at sa bansa nila, addy, email and birthday including sina 선생님!!! (3) think of something to give them (4) give brochures to ajumoni seonsaengnim.

at!! post advertisements para kumita na. i need to work. sana may student na makuha ang aking tutor. para masaya!!

why am i so dark and panget???

Oo

2006-04-28T18:44:00.000+08:00

Oo
Up Dharma Down
`
'di mo lang alam
Naiiisip kita
Baka sakali lang maisip mo ako
'di mo lang alam
Hanggang sa gabi inaasam makita kang muli
Nagtapos ang lahat sa di inaasahang pahanon
At ngayon ako ay iyong iniwan
Luhaan, sugatan, 'di mapakinabangan
Sana nagtanong ka lang
Kung 'di mo lang alam
Sana'y nagtanong ka lang
Kung 'di mo lang alam
`
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Hindi mo lang alam
Kay tagal na panahon
Ako'y nandirito pa rin hanggang ngayon para sa'yo
`
Lumipas mga araw na ubod ng saya
'di pa rin nagbabago ang aking pagsinta
Kung ako'y nagkasala patawad na sana
Puso kong pagal ngayon lang nagmahal
`
'di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
'di mo lang alam
Ika'y minamasdan
Sana'y iyong mamalayang hindi mo lang pala alam
'di mo lang alam
`
Kahit tayo'y magkaibigan lang
bumabalik lahat sa tuwing nagkukulitan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Ako'y nandito lang
Hindi mo lang alam
Matalino ka naman
Kung ikaw at ako
Ay tunay na bigo sa laro na ito
Ay dapat bang sumuko
Sana hindi ka na lang pala aking nakilala
Kung alam ko lang ako'y masasaktan ng ganito
Sana'y nakinig na lang ako sa nanay ko
`
'di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan
Baka sakali lang maisip mo naman
Puro s'ya na lang
Sana'y ako naman
`
'di mo lang alam
ika'y minamasdan
Sana iyo'y mamalayang
hindi mo lang pala alam
Oooooooo
Malas mo
Ikaw ang natipuhan ko
Di mo lang alam
Ako'y iyong nasaktan

nakaka-relate ako... hehe... pwera sa regret part...

delubyo

2006-04-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

yuck, gusto kong maiyak sa video na ito: http://www.exoload.com/306/1143081078.swf thanks prez. sarap. galing ano? gawa ka rin... hanubayan! gusto na naman ng sistema ko na bumalik sa pagkahumaling ko sa flash at html. huli nako masyado sa balita. wala na akong alam sa mga ganyang bagay. haaayy... nakakalungkot. outdated.

Ulan

Lagi na lang umuulan
parang walang katapusan
tulad ng paghihirap ko ngayon
parang walang humpay
Sa kabila ng lahat ng aking pagsisikap
na limutin ka
ay di pa rin magawa

Hindi naman ako tanga
alam ko na wala ka na
pero mahirap lang na tanggapin
di na kita kapiling
iniwan mo akong nagiisa
sa gitna ng dilim at basang-basa pa sa ulan

Pero hwag mag-alala
di na kita gagambalain
Alam ko naman ngayon may kapiling ka nang iba

Tanging hiling ko sa'yo
na tuwing umuulan
maalala mo sanang may nagmamahal sayo.....

Lagi na lang umuulan
parang walang katapusan
tulad ng paghihirap ko ngayon
parang walang humpay
Iniwan mo akong nagiisa
sa gitna ng dilim at basang-basa pa sa ulan

Pero hwag magalala
di na kita gagambalain
alam ko naman ngayon
may kapiling ka nang iba

Tanging hiling ko sa'yo
na tuwing umuulan
maalala mo sanang may
nagmamahal sayo....ako
LaLaLaLaLaLa..........

umuulan pa ba sa pilipinas? hehe... nakita ko yung forecast nung sunday umulan ba? haaaayyy... ang ganda talaga nung flash. nakakaiyak. nakakalungkot. saya. maganda. nakakaiyak!! waaahh!!! >_<,

James couldn’t helpbut leave a parting message to his mother-in-law. “Ma’am Cory nasa mabuting kamay po ang baby at apo ninyo. Mahal na mahal ko po silang dalawa.”

... awww.... wala naiiyak na naman ako. ano ba?! hehe...

sabi ko, every man is an island. sabi ko, bawala dumepende. pero ang totoo, ayoko nun. gusto kong dumepende. i know myself and i know for a long time that it's what i really wanted--or who i wanted. someone who would never tire of holding the umbrella for me when it rains. payungan niyo naman ako. basang-basa na ako eh.

my muse really wanted me to write. araw-araw niya ko pinipilit magsulat. pero ayoko. oo, matagal ko ngang hinintay ang pagkakataon na to na pilitin ako ng musa ko na magsulat. pero mahirap pala yon. sabi ni wordsworth, poetry is "the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility." at ganun din sa ibang literature siguro. the thing is, i don't want to recollect.

tigilan ko na nga tong pakikinig sa ulan at manonood nako ng full house--in korean (pero shempre subtitled). ^_^

tumatawa nalang dahil walang alam, umiiyak dahil sa mga nalalaman

2006-04-26T18:43:00.000+08:00

So which do you prefer?

ang saya ko kanina dahil bukod sa nakita ko na si Yamashita na absent kahapon (kakaawa nga kasi may sakit siya... aww...) nakita ko pa si ms. kim ng 3 beses. hehehe... dapat pala lagi akong lumalabas pag break eh. saya naman...

nag-role play at as usual, i looked stupid.

kanina may picture taking ang mga selected students para sa bagong homepage ng language institute. kasama si marian dun kaya sinamahan ko na rin. nakita ako ni mrs. kim (iba si ms.kim kay mrs.kim. mas matanda etong si mrs. kim) at tinanong kung busy raw ba ako. sabi ko hindi tapos niyaya ba naman akong sumali sa pictorial?! sabi ko ayoko. sabi niya "you should". in korean sabi ko i hate pictures. hahaha!! tapos aba, close kami ni mrs. kim... nakailang pabirong palo siya sakin noh. hehehe...

mabait rin yong si mrs. kim. napaka-amo ng mukha niya. kung nanay ko siya, ay sos! sobrang guilt-trip siguro kapag ginalit ko o pinaiyak ko yun. mabait siya, laging nagbibigay ng advice sa kung pano kami gagaling sa korean. sabi niya gusto raw niya pumunta sa Cebu. hehe... bibigyan ko nga siya ng brochures bukas...

anyway, wala kaming sukje kaya pumunta ako sa Coex mag-isa dahil may napakalaking bookstore daw dun. pumunta ako mag-isa dahil may gagawin daw si Marian. (ang sad noh? i actually have only one person who i can tag along... actually pwede si ate regina or si michelle kaya lang di ko alam contact nila) then ayun medyo nawala nga ako eh. hehe.. napakaraming buildings at kahit nasa nguso ko na pala ang Coex eh hindi ko pa rin yon nakita. tapos napakalaki pala ng Coex. nakakahilo. pero dahil matulungin ang mga maps sa paligid at signs, nakita ko rin ang bookstore. at napakalaki nga!!!

grabe ang daming libro. yung mga libro dun eh mahigit pa sa pinagsama-samang libro ng sampung national bookstore. enough na na marami shempreng korean books pero marami rin ang english books! grabe di ko alam bibilhin ko. mga libro na di makita sa pinas. (o hindi ko palang talaga nakikita) ang saya. may kamahalan nga lang pero ang gaganda ng libro! nakakalula. ang saya! di nga lang ganun kasaya kasi wala akong mabili dahil (1) wala akong pera at (2) hindi ako makapili sa dami ng gusto kong bilhin. pero i decided na mag-research kung ano ang magagandang libro or makakatulong sa thesis ko bago bumili. im definitely coming back.

magbabalik ako sa luma ko pilosopiya na "every man is an island". totoo naman. yun ang fact na hindi natin maiiwasan. kahit anong mangyari, mag-isa pa rin tayo sa mundong ito. bawal dumepende. do not hold on to something or someone too much. lalo na pag di ka sigurado sa tibay ng sinasandalan mo. baka magulat ka nalang gumuho ang pader at kasama kang guguho. tsk tsk. kung sigurado ka, tried and tested na, edi mabuti. edi masaya...

pero siguro mali rin ako. feeling ko lang siguro ina-isolate ako. correction sa iniisip mo: i know when i isolate myself. wala akong reklamo dun. i sometimes want my peace.

siguro i just know kapag rejected ako. ayoko ng feeling. kaya sana hindi ko nalang nalalaman.

naku eto ang ayaw ko sa pag-iisip eh. sige na nga, kakain nako ng fries. baka sakaling lumaki ang boobs ko. harhar!

i don't understand

2006-04-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

i am happy. i'm happier than before.

but these past few days, i feel like something bitter's eating me up and i can't pinpoint exactly what. so it's like i'm half ecstatic, half bitter. day and night.

naka-puntos na naman!!

2006-04-25T15:32:00.000+08:00

presenting..... Du Pong!!! (and emma)

Nag-tea ceremony po kanina. saya! hehe... ang classmate ko na si Du Pong at classmate ni Marian na si Emma ang nag-serve samin. pinanood namin sila. madali lang, pero mabagal sobra. Ceremony kung Ceremony talaga. may music pang katapat yan! para nga akong nanay niyang si Du Pong. Ang dami kong kuhang pics niya at may video pa!! hehe... wala kasi siyang camera. eh naisip ko shempre memorable moment niya to kaya yun kinunan ko ng kinunan. masarap pala ang mogwa tea. di ko alam ang mogwa sa english eh. hehe...

at higit sa lahat, nakakuha nako ng pics ng 2 kong crushes!! bwahahahahahaha!!!! :D

saya talaga ng may camera. kanina, nagf-feeling paparazzi ako kahit alam ko naman na pwede ko nalang sabihing mag-pose sha for my cam. hehe... la lang... the thrill...

at kanina rin pala ang aming presentation. haaayy... nag-pay off din yung pagp-practice. sabi ni ms.kim, i did better in the presentation than in class. hehe... in fairness, mejo mas magaling ako sa iba kong classmate in terms of memorization. di nila kinareer ang pagmememorize. di ko rin naman din kinareer pero inayos ko yung speech ko in such a way na madaling tandaan yung next paragraph. kumbaga in sir satoquia's terms, may transitional sentence. tapos may pictures pako ng pilipinas at pictures ng pwends. hehe...

si ms. kim... ang paborito kong guro. hang cute kasi niya. haha! ende... sabihin na nating mas may personal connection sha with her students kesa ang ibang teacher. siya ang taong nakita ko na talagang ^_^ ang mukha kapag ngumingiti. i had the chance to talk with her kanina. mejo nakakahiya lang kasi hindi ako marunong mag-korean. di ko alalain sobra na 34 yrs. old na pala sha. sabi ko she looks so much younger and i thought na wala pa shang asawa. sabi niya may mga nagsasabi na rin daw tsaka yung boses kasi niya nakakabata rin sa kanya. sabi nga niya may 2 anak na sha. sobrang hindi halata.

mag-aaral na nga ako para hindi naman ako mukhang tanga...

how can i stop grinning?

2006-04-24T19:19:00.000+08:00

ayan ayan ayan... anong meron ang taong happy? yes! ganda points!! woohooooo!! nasabi na rin ang matagal ng dapat sabihin. evil plot done. aroused the right curiosity. everything went according to plan. perfect timing. success!! and guess what? ang saya! bwahahaha!!! haaaaayyy.... namen!

nagpractice ng speech. goodluck talaga bukas!!

natutulili na raw siya sa boses ko kaya minabuti na niyang pagbawalan akong kumanta. haha! tama yan. yun na nga lang ang nakapagpapasaya saken pinagbabawalan pako! talaga naman ang buhay ko. lahat na lang hindi ko pwedeng gawin. ang saya-saya noh? bad trip yun. saya na nga ng araw eh tapos... pag nakita ko yun susungalngalin ko yun eh. palibhasa hindi sha naghuhugas ng pwet.

ano kayang kakainin ko? baka naman pati kumain bawal pa rin.

memories of "Memoirs of a Geisha"

2006-04-23T21:23:00.000+08:00

For the second time, I've watched "Memoirs of a Geisha" and with it came good memories. It made me smile, it made me dream, it made me fall in love... Hearing and watching Sayuri recall her life has made me, somehow, remember parts of my life--or at least a particular day when I was called "boring" because I didn't want to watch a suspense-thriller film. How can I forget the day when I had too much fries that I couldn't even eat them all? Remembering made me long for the extra sweet sundae with jelly-o at Mcdo. It was so sweet, I miss it. In fact, I miss the sweetness so much and I don't think I'd ever find a sundae as sweet as that in Korea; and I guess Mcdo will not offer it again. And even if they do, I don't think it would be as sweet as it passed my throat that night. Yeah, moments do fleet faster than my taste buds could register any other taste; and if I'd known that before, I guess I should have taken a picture of it. But then...

"no one can stop the flow of time.

but a picture kept inside a heart

wil always be there.

deep within, the picture will be displayed

and it will forever touch the heart...

sweetly...

bitterly..."

I've never given much thought on the question of believing in destiny. But I think I'm believing it now, though not entirely. What we are partly decides what we will be. There are just some things that we cannot avoid. Ah, not some things but a lot of things--a whole lot that it makes us think sometimes that we are being controlled by an unseen force (otherwise called as destiny) like a puppet, played at will. It sucks, I know. We are all victims of it. We dream dreams and yet we are so much hindered by so many things. I've thought before that believing is enough; but I've learned that each person is over-determined by so many factors that sheer will power is not enough. Perhaps, I should learn when to fight some more, and when to finally give in.

But then, fairy tales sometimes do come true. "Memoirs of a Geisha" afterall is a true story and if she believed--took each step of her life towards one dream of having the love of her life no matter how long and hard it takes-- and ended up happy, then it could happen to anyone. It could happen to me.

<*sigh*> I guess a fairy tale is not the kind of life my destiny chose for me.

club the hole

2006-04-22T13:20:00.000+08:00

ops! wag nyo na pag-isipan yang amerikanong nasa harap. may asawa na yan. hehe... (mula sa kano: Ric(american), Yun(japanese), ako, Jessica(frm Hongkong), Yae-gun(Taiwanese), Ishii(japanese), Du-Pong (Chinese), Angie (mongolian), Nuantip (Thai), Uyagong (mongolian; name not sure; di namin classmate, bestfriend lang ni Angie)

kahapon birthday ng aking classmate na si Nuantip or 애 (naka-brown) kaya kagabi nag-celebrate kami. Kain at yun... saya! may surprise pa silang cake for her. sarap nga eh, strawberry cake. yum!

haaayy... ang panget ko talaga.

hindi mapigil ang ngiti

2006-04-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

mid terms sa literature. haha! ewan. parang ewan yung exam. pero at least ayos lang din. hindi siya pang tanga and at the same time hindi naman uber hirap. nakasagot naman ako kahit pano. nyehehe... nung una talaga may mga identification. dapat memorize ang titles at ang author/poet. sus, di ko nga ginagawa yun sa lit classes sa ust tapos dito magme-memorize. nag-memorize naman ako konti kagabi kaya kahit papano survive. tapos andaming essay. halos puro essays nga eh. tapos 1 hour and 15 minutes lang yung exam. saya noh? tapos ang ginaw pa sa room kaya medyo mahirap magsulat kasi naninigas na yug kamay ko. pero deadma lang. nung ngang naghi-hint na yung prof na time's up na, di ko pa nasasagutan yung isang essay eh. tapos di ko pa man din alam kung anong gusto niyang sagot sa tanong na yun eh 15 points pa naman!

mid terms sa literature. dapat before 1pm (which is ang uwian ko sa korean class at ang start ng exam) umalis nako sa korean class. pero hindi nag-stay ako. 15 minutes before class, dapat aalis nako eh since tapos na ang class proper at pinapapunta raw kami sa 309 para sa joint class korean session. tapos na-realize ko na joint class yun at makikita ko ang mga cras ko at si _____ kaya hindi ako umalis. harhar! parang tanga. nagpaka-late sa mid-terms para masilayan lang ang mga cras ko. bwahaha!! oi in peyrness talaga... pero hindi sila Korean ha! yung isa cras ko (di ko nga alam ang name nun eh) taga-ecuador. bata pa yun eh, 17 o18? basta cras ko siya kasi ang cute ng boses niya, parang iiyak. lam mo yung boses na hindi pa nagbibinata? naku hindi pa yata tuli yung batang yun eh. hahaha!! yung isa naman si Yamashita, Japanese. Mejo matanda naman. May work na nga sha dito eh pero wala pang asawa. Una ko siyang na-meet sa first day ko sa class nung mag joint class session. ininterview ko sha at pinagtiyagaan nya ko kahit wala akong alam. mukhang matanda pero cute. basta walang pakialamanan! hehe... kasama pala nung ininterview ko siya ay ang pagbigay niya skin ng name, email at phone number niya. hahaha!

pero hindi sila ang dahilan kaya hindi mapigil ang ngiti ko. sus! I could live the day without them.

ako? adik sa pagpipichur-pichur? hindi noh! mukha lang adik kasi 1,000,000 times yata bago makakuha ng "pwede na" na kuha. ba't naman kasi ampanget-panget ko. buti pa si Mary anoh? super photogenic.

<*sigh*> ^____^*

ahahay!!

2006-04-19T15:18:00.001+08:00

wow naks naman! kalain mong naka-9.5 over 10 ako sa lab test namin last time? kalain mo?! at take note, nung umaga lang na yun ko binasa at minemorize yung notes. grabe ano? kung kelan talaga hindi kinakarir don tumataas ang grades. namo kanina, nag-memorize ako kagabi pa tsaka kaninang umaga pero tingin ko 5 lang ako eh. anu ba yun?!

di ko nakwento kahapon, ka-elibs si Ms. Kim!! marunong sha mag-yoga. stig... haaayy.... saya!

aww.... sayang hindi kami nakagala ngayon. pupunta sana kami sa lugar na maraming cherry blossoms eh. kaso naman umulan! edi shempre ampanget ng cherry blossoms. grabe talaga nako sayang kasi nawawala na ang mga cherry blossoms. hindi ko pa napipichuran. mananatili nalang sila sa utak forever. nyahehe... tulad ng snow na hindi ko rin napichuran. harhar!

haaaayy.... uy!uy!uy! hahahaha!!! may bago nakong T.Lei! hahahaha!!! saya-saya!!

anong meron ang taong happy?

2006-04-18T17:45:00.000+08:00

digital camera.

wahahaha!!! ang nice noh? nakabili na rin ako sa wakas. yes! kinailangan ko na kasi bumili kasi nalalagas na ang mga cherry blossoms. kaya yun. hehe... buti nga hindi masyadong mahal ang pagkakabili ko eh. well mahal pero not as much as i expected. hehe... saya!

feeling ko guinea pig naman ako kanina. haaayy... si ms.Kim kasi eh lagi akong tinatanong at the beginning of the lesson. eh pano ko naman kaya malalaman ang sasagot ko? sobrang mukha tuloy akong tanga. well anyway at least hindi mean ang mga classmates ko at hindi nila ako masyadong pinagtatawanan. tinutulungan pa nga nila ako eh. nawiwili na nga yata sila sa pagtulong kasi sila na ang sumasagot for me. haha! ang bagal ko naman kasi mag-isip eh. hehe... buti hindi katulad ni senora ang mga teachers dito na nagagalit kapag may tumutulong. grabe naalala ko nung nagalit talaga si senora saken. sabi niya, "You're so rude!". uy teka, ano bang ibang pagkaing pinoy ang pwede kong sabihin pag tinanong ako? puro adobo naman ang sinasabi ko. spaghetti naman kasi ang laman ng utak ko.

lesson por da day: do not hold on too much on something.

well, yun nga. personal fault siguro. hehe... pero ganon na talaga ako. it's as if I have to constantly hold on to something para hindi ako mawala. hmm... sabi ni T.Leslie, "Nothing is impossible if you believe". ganun din ang laging sinasabi sa mga napapanood ko. believe, believe, believe. but i'm still expecting the worst in my life.

ah! whatever! can't explain. gutom na yata ako. yikes! ang tabataba ko kaya. hmmm... makapag-ice cream nga. hehe...

yay! may camera nako! yay! yay! yay! yay!!! mapipicturan ko na ang roommate ko pagnakalabas ang dila niya habang natutulog. bwahahahaha!!! :D

hay naku, mula ngayon magkakaron nako ng schedule sa buhay. sobrang maga-allot nako ng oras sa lahat ng gagawin ko-- pagsusulat, pagbabasa, pag-aaral, paglalaba, paggala, pagco-computer, pagtulog at pagtunganga. naks! time management! madami lang talaga akong gustong gawin na hindi ko nagagawa. kailangan ko pa pala mag-isip para sa thesis. maraming oras na ang nasayang ko sa pagpapakabulok. nasasayang ang utak ko, wala namang gustong bumili. tsaka kailangan kong isaalang-alang ang pagtulog ko dahil baka yon ang susi para gumaling nako sa korean class. lagi kasi akong inaantok eh. sa Pilipinas nga, binibilang ko at sinisigurado na 8 oras ang tulog ko tapos dito less than 7 lagi? (except on saturdays)

hala, lab test na naman bukas. hindi ko pa naman masyadong gets yung mga lesson. haaaayyy... minsan kahit gusto mo talaga yung teacher wala pa rin eh. o talagang pumupurol nako? dati naman kahit sa science gumagaling ako kasi crush ko yung teacher (sino kaya yun?). pero hindi talaga kinakaya ngayon eh.

napakaraming sukje. cge na, oras na para mag-aral!

tuliro sa buhay

2006-04-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

Hey Ana, this new blog doesn't commemorate the new me. There is no 'new' me. Tuliro lang ng konti pero no new me, ok? Just don't want to go back to the past. I'm still me. Tamad pa rin, magulo, bangag... ganun. ako pa ren. pero yoko ng balikan yung mga dati kong bitterness.

Pathetic ko talaga. Naiyak ako sa room kanina. Pero di naman iyak na iyak. Naluha? Pero wala namang nakapansin eh. Pano kasi naf-frustrate ako sa lesson namin kanina. wala kasi akong maintindihan sa mga pinagsasabi nung teacher. kahit favorite teacher ko siya wala pa rin akong maintindihan. siguro dahil may new seating arrangement at nawindang ata ang utak ko. basta nahihiya ako sa sarili ko't wala akong masagot na matino sa mga tanong niya. Nage-gets ko naman yung gusto niyang mangyaring sentence construction pero di ko pa rin maintindihan ang sense nung sentence. sabihin na nating, di ko ma-translate sa english. hay naku! akala ko nung first period namin, antok lang ako't magiging maayos din ang lahat katulad ng mga ibang araw. pero hindi. hanggang matapos ang period, naka-kunot pa rin ang noo ko dahil di ko maintindihan. hindi ko naman kasi matanong yung mga katabi ko. na-stuck ako sa gitna ng dalawang Hapon! ay okay nga sana eh kasi gusto ko rin namang matutong mag-Japanese. pero pano naman kung hindi ko rin maintindihan tong korean. di naman sila marunong mag-english kasi kaya hindi ko sila basta matanong.

yay! may gimick daw sa Friday. Birthday ni Nuantip, ang aking Thai classmate. Hmm... baka may mekju! hehehehe.... grabe na-LSS ako sa korean version ng Happy Birthday. Kakantahan ko nga sha araw-araw para masaya. Ano ba reregalo ko dun?

Hala mawawala na ang mga cherry blossoms! Nalalagas na yung iba eh. Ganda nga ng epeks kapag humahangin. Parang yung sa anime na may mga hinahangin na cherry blossoms sa paligid for dramatic effects? Ang sad nga raw sa Japan kasi nagsisimula pa lang yatang bumukadkad ang kanilang sakura eh nawala na. Pinatay yata ng 'yellow dust' (alikabok galing Gobi Desert). Buti na lang dito nagka-yellow dust before mag-bloom ang bulaklak.

I'm ok, I'm ok... I'm ok...

grabe sabi ko na nga ba! psychic talaga ako. pag wala talaga ako dun nangyayari ang mga pangyayari eh. at ayan, da almost impossible! grabe na talaga itich. hay naku, hay naku, hay naku. ano ba tong mga naiisip ko. pahamak talaga. hehehe...... :p Oo0ps hala... kumukurot.

this morning... fastbreak!

2006-04-17T07:37:00.000+08:00

we don't hurt because somebody hurts us. We hurt because we choose to be. So walang sisihan, ok?

Mula nung pinanganak ako, I learned not to blame anyone for whatever's happening to me. I believe na kung ano man mangyari sakin o maramdaman ko, choice ko yun. Lalo na kapag talo-talo na. Kapag nadapa ako, kasalanan ko. Ganun lang. Kahit tinulak ako ng iba, kasalanan ko rin yon kasi nagpatulak ako. Well, except parents ko. Harhar! Madalas ko silang sisihin.

Pero shempre iba ang usapan pag tagumpay na. Malamang maraming dahilan at taong dapat pasalamatan.

<*insert dramatic bgm here*>Kaya ngayon gusto kong magpasalamat sa lahat ng pagmamahal na binibigay niyo sakin at sana wag kayong magsawa na mahalin ang isang tulad ko.

ahh... nga pala, nobody's to blame anyway. if there's anyone to blame, it would be me.

i love you DinDin!!

2006-04-16T21:43:00.000+08:00

I've always liked cold coffee. Scratch that. I've always loved cold coffee. But I surprised nyself when I said "yuck" to the cold coffee I bought from the vending machine last Friday.

I don't like to think that I'm becoming what I'm not. Actually, I'm still my old self. Just jumbled up a bit. hehe... I think I just need to calm myself and stop from being too paranoid. Okay, I know I'm a little bit of a psychic and I know that three-fourths of my intuition must be true but right now, I'm just sticking to what I call "the eleven last words". hehe... The day that I can say I've changed is when you see me working hard, keeping personal deadlines on my writing and using the library often. harhar!

I swear I'll be in next year's issue of Dapitan. nyok!

About the coffee thingie, I think I was just influenced by the "Undomestic Goddess". I think there was a scene there where she said "yuck" to her 4-hour coffee. And that Friday morning was really cold, I was longing for a hot coffee and was disappointed when I was given a cold one by the stupid machine. And the same book is to be blamed why I'm using English here.

I'm so water. Whatever that means.

Anyway, it's Sunday today!! We saw Parokya ni Edgar in a mini-concert in Hyehwa-dong sponsored by a Filipino Catholic Community, I think. It was fun even though the program was 2 hours late. Filipino time! But it was worth it. I saw Dindin!! (he's the drummer, btw) He's so cute! haha! He's fair and chubby and has a clean cut and looks extremely hot in his glasses! uh oh... did I say 'extremely hot'? :D I just love him in his glasses. He doesn't look like some rugged drummer. In fact, he looks like a good and smart guy to me. Well not to mention that he must be full of sense of humor too since he's part of Parokya ni Edgar and he's Chito's friend since they were kids. Oh well, he must not be good or smart but as long as he looks like it, I crush him! haha!

Sayang! hindi ako nakapagpa-picture kay Dindin! hehehe... pero di bale may video naman si kuya Dennis. Sana bigyan niya ako ng kopya para masaya! hehe... sayang talaga di ko nakita yung suntukan. nakunan kaya sa video?

ayan... nalimot ko na tuloy mga sasabihin ko. hmph! next time na nga lang!

yes, i know

2006-04-15T13:22:00.000+08:00

I am an intelligent woman. I know the answers to my questions. I know what I want. I know what I want to be. I know what I want to do with my life.

I know what I want this very moment.

But I can't.

Wow. Accomplishment. I've finished the Undomestic Goddess. I don't know why but I can relate. Dahil hindi rin ako marunong magluto? Hehe... perhaps. I thought, how does it feel to throw away one's life for something that you wanted so bad? Like love? How could she have thrown a 6-figure income in one of the most prestigious law firm? How could she have thrown what she ever wanted since she was thirteen? They say it was crazy. My mind says it was crazy. But she was happy.

Why can't they make both ends meet? She can be on top of her career and at the same time, Nathaniel can have his dream come true in Cornwall. Here I am again, being my ideal self. But I know that that can't be true. One just have to choose. It's either here or there. Why does it have to be that way? Oh well... man can't truly have everything that he wants.

If only I can have the assurance that I can have the other while I sacrifice one, I'd be glad to. Hehe... not the risk-taker, that I'm not. But I guess it'll be too late. The mind races faster than I can ever act. I've told myself to stop. Stop! Stop! Stop! And the more I think about stopping, the more I want to go. I told you, I have to stop thinking.

BRAIN FOR SALE: SLIGHTLY USED

mula kay phoebe

2006-04-14T21:29:00.000+08:00

Whats the worst thing about being in love?

* being in love at the right time, right place and right reasons for the wrong person.. uhmm.. siguro something like that.. hahaha

my note: I wouldn't exactly use the term "wrong" for the person.

think, Cecil, think!

2006-04-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

YESTERDAY

I slept right after class and never left the bed until this morning when I had to drag myself up once again. I think I went down with slight fever. I'd filled my head with either air or words of "Para sa Masa". Don't know why it stuck. Guess it's the most neutral song that my mind can come up with. I consciously turned myself into heavy-repression-mode and it made my head ache-big time. I avoided writing even when my muse begged me to. Just told her to shut up a while and let me rest. I was tired. The day before (wednesday), I cried and then slept at 3 am. Then (thursday) I had role play, lab test, cold wind, boring lit class, ate crap, slept, woke, and read books just to repress myself some more until i'm dead tired so I can sleep again.

When I came here, I'm half myself. I left my better half back home. I woke up on some mornings knowing exactly what's wrong with me, what's different and perhaps, why. I know, somehow, I am not me anymore. This is not me. This is so unlike me. I feel like an anime character being used by a lousy fanfiction writer who put me in an OOC-mode. Somehow, I know that I'm that lousy writer.

At this point, I feel like a slave who's sick and tired of my master's constant whipping; and I just want to quit. But being a slave that I am, I know that I can't.

I was wrong. I'm angry. And bitter. It was too much even though I know that you found it necessary. It was just necessary to spank me over and over again to wake me up from what you call dreams. I cried. But after I've hit my head, I just stopped. I stared blankly at the light. Tears had stopped flowing and it sure seemed like everything stopped. My mind stopped and my heart also did. I felt like I was stripped of everything that I have. I wanted to scream but it was all in my head. I was numb and I just wanted to rest. I don't want to think anymore. I've thought so much, it hurts. But it seems like I have to keep on thinking till I become the rational one once again-- the one who seems to know what's right and what's wrong; till I become again the one who I've hated for being a living dead.

My head throbbed painfully and I felt a small chill. But still I refuse to sleep lest thought haunt me again and again. Dead tired. But I just have to keep on reading, fill my head. Ate a half eaten bread on the bed and I couldn't even bring myself to throw away the plastic. I couldn't even stand up to drink even when it felt like chunks of bread were blocking my airway. Read, Cecil, read.

Repression's killing me, making me lose my sanity. I don't talk because no one's here to listen. My mind is so noisy that I can't sleep even as my body collapses. Tama na... shut up already! Shut up!!!

TODAY

Suddenly I became trigger-happy for a while, becoming excited about Korean's 1 year old birthday celebration. We were thought how to sing Korean's version of the "Happy Birthday" song. We watched one of the teacher's child's birthday video. Babies are the cutest! I was imagining Ms. Kim's children's first birthday. Wish she'd bring photos on Monday.

Went to Insa-dong--alone again. I'm so alone (please Ana, don't ask me for people because there is none. Marian went to Church because it's Holy Friday). I jusy have to go and tire myself by seeing that place which my tutor adviced me to go. Lots of Korean souvenirs and handicrafts. I know now what to give my mother and Ana and Karen and Sheri and Precious! Yay! But of course it would be nicer if I have a good camera and friends with me. But I blocked all thoughts of being alone for that time. Haha! talk about repression once again.

putangina! putangina! putangina!! sabi ko na nga eh ayoko na mag-internet muna. kaya eto sinasaktan ko na naman ang sarili ko. putangina, i have to close my email right away. putangina! ayan na! ayan naaaa!!! putangina! no! no! no!!! ay tangena talaga tong buhay na to. stop! shut up!! shut up!! shut the hell up! tama na!!

kulang sa fries

2006-04-12T16:30:00.000+08:00

oo nga eh... feeling ko kulang na ako sa fries. haha! lumiliit na yata ang boobs ko. wahahaha!! ah ewan! gusto ko ng fries!! fries!! fries!! fries!! tsaka chicken!!

naman! inaantok na talaga ako!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN FOREVER?

Parang masyadong utopian ang idea ng forever. Parang ideya na hindi naman talaga nage-exist. Ano ba talaga ang forever? Ano ang time frame ng forever? Meron nga bang time frame ang 'forever' in the first place?

Pinanganak akong naniniwala sa forever. Pero naaalala ko nung elementary ako (habang nagsasagot ng 'autograph'), sinabi ko sa sarili ko na walang forever; meron lang 'as long as I live'. Pero dahil in-born ang paniniwala ko sa forever, heto ako, naniniwala pa rin.

Naniniwala ako na I could keep my friends forever. Kahit sabihin mo sakin na darating tayo sa punto na magkakahiwalay din tayo, naniniwala pa rin ako na posible ang forever. Iniisip ko na kung mage-effort lang naman talaga tayo na hindi magkawalaan kahit 'physically apart' tayo, pwede pa rin ang forever. Kung gusto talaga, laging may paraan.

Masama ba yun? Masama ba ang maniwala sa forever? Masyado na ba akong idealistic? Siguro... basta naniniwala ako sa forever.

At naniniwala rin ako na I could love forever.

gusto ko ng pera!! bigyan niyo kong trabaho!

Zzzzz.......zzzzz......zzz.........

<sigh>

2006-04-11T18:05:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

natural law 202

2006-04-11T17:57:00.000+08:00

wow. Ganon talaga. Kapag wala ang pusa, sumasalisi ang daga. Hayop sa strategy!!

aww...

2006-04-11T16:09:00.000+08:00

may asawa na pala siya! waaahh!! di ako makapaniwala. sinabi na pala na may asawa siya sa harap ko, di ko pa naintindihan?! grabe... may asawa na pala siya? mukhang bata pa kaya siya saken.... dati iniisip ko lang kung may syota yun tapos may asawa na? at may dalawang anak pa! kalain mo?! kasi ako di ko akalain eh. haaayy.... gusto ko sabihing "sayang" pero as if naman dba? not in a million years! haha!

haaay buhay ko... lagi na lang ganito. puro pangarap. bakit ba kung sinong di pwede yun pa? nyahahaha!! masyado lang yata talaga akong ambisyosa. laging "out of reach" ang theme song. pati sa ibang bagay ganun din. pati sa pangarap ko sa buhay. sa huli, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin. tutunganga na naman ako't mag-uubos ng brain cells kaka-pangarap.

marami akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko. yun nga lang, nas-stuck ako kakaisip. haha! kumbaga, laging nag-iisip ng vision statement. pero walang plan. nyok nyok. pero yun nga, lalanding ako sa tanong na, "pano ba ako magkakapera?"

yun siguro ang kinabagsak ko sa interview ko sa Computer Science. Masyadong mataas ang goal ko sa buhay. pero nung tanungin ako kung pano ko yun magagawa, hindi ako sumagot ng basic answer. hindi ko sinabing mag-aaral akong mabuti. hindi ko sinabing magt-tiyaga ako sa buhay. bumagsak ako sa interview. ngayon, alam kong kung patuloy akong sasagot ng tulad ng ginawa ko sa interview na yun, hindi lang ako sa interviews babagsak. pati sa buhay, babagsak din ako.

hindi talaga ako makatiis na hindi bumili kapag may nakikita akong libro. bumili ako kahapon ng Memoirs of a Geisha at The Undomestic Goddess (Sophie Kinsella) kanina. kahit alam kong mas mahal dito compared sa presyo sa pinas, bumili parin ako. at plano ko pang bilhin yung Angels and Demons o di kaya Da Vinci Code. ano ba ang mas maganda? hehe... gago talaga ako noh? ang dami ko pang balak bilhin pero nag-uubos nako ng pera. hehe...

at this point, gusto kong sabihin na naiirita ako sa mga kuripot.

woi!! alam niyo ba yung Save the Last Dance for Me? yung si Sandy (Kim Eugene)? Nakita ko kahapon!! as in! sa shooting sa sidewalk!! nagulat nga ako eh... naglalakad lang ako tapos nakita ko na! asteegg!!! di ko akalain sobra. wag niyo na tanungin kung pinicturan ko kasi hindi. hehe... galing nga eh kasi the night before nun, napanood ko sa tv yung drama na shinu-shoot niya. kaya nung nakita ko, nagulat talaga ako!

gusto ko ng digital camera!!

at inaantok nako

nag-uubos ng brain cells

2006-04-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

hehe... eto binubuhay ulet ang blog na eto...ang mga nakaraang araw ko po ay ginugugol ko sa pag-uubos ng brain cells nang sa gayo'y dumating ang oras na hindi ko na kayang mag-isip pa ng mga bagay na nakakasama sa kalusugan ng aking pagkatao. yun nga lang, hindi ko alam kung successful ba ako sa ginagawa ko. well, kahit papano, pwede na rin.

hmm.... what to say???nung sabado nagtinda kami ng turon, lumpiang shanghai, pastillas (andali lang pla neto, ngayon ko lang nalaman pano gumawa), biko tsaka sago't gulaman. meron pa nga kaming back-up na meatballs at tortang talong eh. hehe... para kasi yon sa Internationa Student's Assembly. May mga nagluto rin na mga taga-ibang bansa tulad ng China (fried rice sa kanila), US (spaghetti raw pero putanesca yun), Nepal (ang galing! curry na nasa loob ng tinapay na astig ang hugis!), Japan, (okonomiyaki or japanese pizza. yum!) at meron pa eh tulad ng Cambodia at isang di ko maalala pero di ko napansin ang luto nila kasi hindi ako nakatikim. maganda yung presentation nung luto ng nepal pero OA ah... ayoko nung curry... hehe...

astig ang pinoy pagdating sa presentation at advertising!! meron pa kaming malaking Philippine flag sa likod namin tapos may miniature kalesa, jeepney at baro't saya. meron ding sungka! astig noh? sayang nga lang walang costume na mahihiram sa embassy o sa DOT dito. tapos may free brochures pa kami ng WOW Philippines!! sabi nga namin dapat bayaran na kami ng DOT sa ginagawa naming advertising. to da max na eto ah... at meron pang part 2 yang sa May!

natulog ako sumandali at nagising akong may busal ang aking puso. ah hindi... nag-martial law ba? ewan...

nga pala, pasado naman ako sa mid-terms. 85 point something ako. hehe... mababa... pero pwede na... hinahabol ko kasi yung 90 eh para masaya! hehe... hindi kasi baka bumagsak ako sa susunod kasi mas mahirap na raw. kaya ganon... naghahabol ako ng 90 kasi gusto ko magka-award. hahahaha!!! para naman hindi ako ikahiya ng uste. tsaka malay natin, ma-exempt pako sa ibang finals pagdating ko, tulad sa Spanish! haha! WISH!!!

grabe noh? may grade ako kay Tabirara kahit walang finals? astig... tsaka sa Art App? astig... mga tamad! wahahaaha!!! pero buti na rin yun kasi ayokong nang maghabol ng maraming prof. lalo na si Galan na mahirap habulin kahit laging present. tigok lang ako kay Devilles.

oist... may cherry blossoms na dito... stig...

Sand in My Shoes

2006-04-10T21:14:00.001+08:00

Two weeks away it feels like the whole world should've changed
But I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back in my flat on the road
Where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can't watch the sunset
I don't have time
I don't have time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

Tomorrow's back to work and down to sanitation
Run a bath and then clear up the mess I made before I left here
Try to remind myself that I was happy here
Before I knew that I could get on the plane and fly away
From the road where the cars never stop going through the night
To a life where I can watch the sunset
And take my time
Take all our time

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again
I wanna see you again

Two weeks away, all it takes to change and turn me around I've fallen
I walked away and never said that I wanted to see you again

I've still got sand in my shoes
And I can't shake the thought of you
I should get on, forget you
But why would I want to
I know we said goodbye
Anything else would've been confused but I wanna see you again

I wanna see you again
I wanna see you again

haaayy... 2 weeks...